As you may know, I've gotten slightly more into politics over the last two years or so. Though I've always done my research and voted, I never really paid much attention to what was going on or read the news much. Not that I became a political junkie or anything, but I started reading more articles, which led to getting more invested in one point of view or another, and it also means that I saw a lot more of the ugly side of things.
You might not be aware of this, but our media is very polarized right now (NO!) and things like Twitter and facebook make it much easier for that polarized spirit to leak out of your computer and get all over your friends and family. For me, though I tried to stay neutral and only enter the political posting waters from time to time, I still found myself getting more and more angry at people- not simply for their posts that I may disagree with, but for the attitude I inferred from these posts. There is a real spirit of anger, judgment, and hatred that turns my stomach, but I was getting caught up in the mire of being angry because these other people were always so angry!
The other day, Glen Beck pushed me past my breaking point. So what was it that I broke through and what am I leaving behind? All my mini-political junkie trappings. As painful as it is to me, I'm not watching the Daily Show or the Colbert Report anymore. I'm not following columnists on Twitter. I'll hide more people on facebook if I have to, but I'm not going to fight anymore, even in my own head.
It's not my job to be right. It's not my job to convince people that...well, of anything really. At least not in the "I'll convince you with my words and badgering and facts and figures" kind of way. I am an influence on people, and especially on a decent number of students. What am I teaching them by posting snarky political things or arguing with my friends and family in a public forum? Not love and respect.
Am I saying that one should be uninformed? Not at all. I just need to concentrate on what my job is and what my job is not. I am a teacher and leader and example; hopefully of love, mercy, humility, and grace. I know where my priorities lie.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
This has gotten old.
I've been mostly incapacitated for about 2.5 weeks now. Well, not quite incapacitated, but it feels like it. First, I had a week of asthma that truly sucked. I've never had what I would call asthma attacks before, but this was bad: very tight lungs and sheer exhaustion. Once I finally went to the doctor, I found out that both my inhalers were expired, which is why they weren't helping very much. New inhalers helped a lot, not that the lack of inhalants was what caused the attack. That remains a mystery.
Or it was from sickness. (Sweet, fancy Moses, I just typed "frum" at first.) I had wondered if my complete exhaustion was just from the asthma or from my body fighting something. Once Seth got sick, I was quite proud of my body for successfully fighting off his illness. Then I got it. Blerg. I started feeling sick 10 days ago, and I am super tired of it. I had a good, old-fashioned flu. Achy body, fever, stuffy head and headache, and cough. I thought I would be over it by the end of the week, but it won't leave! I missed my last class, didn't visit family with Seth, and missed church. Gah.
At my professor's suggestion (she's a sicky who totally understands being wiped out and having to take care of yourself), I have requested an incomplete for this quarter. I thought I could do it, but my sleep has gotten even more jacked up than usual with this sickness draining my energy (naps lead to being up all night, even though I am completely exhausted), and even when I am up, I can't always concentrate on research. I was feeling kind of guilty about requesting it, but after I took the dogs to the dog park yesterday, barely exerted myself at all, and came home feeling wiped to have my husband say, "You don't look like you feel good," I decided to go for it. I'll keep plugging away and get my stuff done ASAP (like, next week), but it will be nice to have the stress off.
This illness has prompted a number of people to say, "You're sick a lot," which has pissed me off a bit. It pisses me off that I do seem to be sick often, and it makes me feel like it's viewed as a personal failing on my part to have such a weakling of an immune system. I don't think of myself as an unhealthy person, but maybe I am. Or maybe my body just doesn't react well to my previous modus operandi.
Nevertheless, I am changing things. Seth's health added into the equation, we need change. We've already begun changing our diets, and I'm trying to shift it into a higher gear. I'm having more vegetarian days and I'm planning on loading up on fruit and veggies and just concentrating on eating real food as opposed to processed junk. I've been doing this for a few weeks already and I do love it. I've also noticed that, possibly due to sluggishness but I'll take it, I just don't care about eating and food that much, which is a fan-freaking-tastic change for me.
Wrapping up: I'm hopeful about our food and excited about eating better. I'm kinda depressed today because I want to be well and go running and I just want my sleep to be fixed already once and for all.
//end depressing and ranting blog post//
Or it was from sickness. (Sweet, fancy Moses, I just typed "frum" at first.) I had wondered if my complete exhaustion was just from the asthma or from my body fighting something. Once Seth got sick, I was quite proud of my body for successfully fighting off his illness. Then I got it. Blerg. I started feeling sick 10 days ago, and I am super tired of it. I had a good, old-fashioned flu. Achy body, fever, stuffy head and headache, and cough. I thought I would be over it by the end of the week, but it won't leave! I missed my last class, didn't visit family with Seth, and missed church. Gah.
At my professor's suggestion (she's a sicky who totally understands being wiped out and having to take care of yourself), I have requested an incomplete for this quarter. I thought I could do it, but my sleep has gotten even more jacked up than usual with this sickness draining my energy (naps lead to being up all night, even though I am completely exhausted), and even when I am up, I can't always concentrate on research. I was feeling kind of guilty about requesting it, but after I took the dogs to the dog park yesterday, barely exerted myself at all, and came home feeling wiped to have my husband say, "You don't look like you feel good," I decided to go for it. I'll keep plugging away and get my stuff done ASAP (like, next week), but it will be nice to have the stress off.
This illness has prompted a number of people to say, "You're sick a lot," which has pissed me off a bit. It pisses me off that I do seem to be sick often, and it makes me feel like it's viewed as a personal failing on my part to have such a weakling of an immune system. I don't think of myself as an unhealthy person, but maybe I am. Or maybe my body just doesn't react well to my previous modus operandi.
Nevertheless, I am changing things. Seth's health added into the equation, we need change. We've already begun changing our diets, and I'm trying to shift it into a higher gear. I'm having more vegetarian days and I'm planning on loading up on fruit and veggies and just concentrating on eating real food as opposed to processed junk. I've been doing this for a few weeks already and I do love it. I've also noticed that, possibly due to sluggishness but I'll take it, I just don't care about eating and food that much, which is a fan-freaking-tastic change for me.
Wrapping up: I'm hopeful about our food and excited about eating better. I'm kinda depressed today because I want to be well and go running and I just want my sleep to be fixed already once and for all.
//end depressing and ranting blog post//
Monday, February 22, 2010
Why I give things up for Lent
I'm not Catholic, or part of a denomination that follows a liturgical calendar or celebrates Lent, but I've been making my token sacrifice during this season for about 16 years.
I don't remember exactly why I started, but I'm sure I was influenced by more exposure to Catholicism through people in college, including one Catholic best friend, and two other best friends converting with their families away from the good, old Assemblies of God. I was raised semi-Pentecostal by my family, then attended AofG churches & school from 7th-12th grades, attending AofG church into college. Seth & I even got married in an AofG church.
I saw later in life, while teaching at my alma mater, that though I didn't realize while it was being done, I was certainly given an anti-Catholic POV at my school. I remember being quite worried about my friends who were going to catholic churches-- I might as well have called them papists like some Elizabethan snob. I was afraid that they were praying to saints and relying on works to save them, that they wouldn't still pray and know God, and that Jesus would lose stature in their hearts.
The school I attended was a bit crazy. Have you seen the movie Jesus Camp? That isn't too terribly off the mark, though we were decidedly less militaristic. Mix Jesus Camp with a healthy dose of Saved and you've hit it right on the head. Every year, we had Spiritual Emphasis Week, which meant that we had chapel every day, sometimes with a semi-special guest speaker, and all were expected to raise their hands, go to the front, or whatever. Though I was one of the students who was actually into it, I also had no qualms at all about helping to stir up emotion so that chapel ran really long and we could miss more classes. I was a good kid, and the ones who had attitudes and didn't raise their hands to say that they wanted to be on fire for Jesus were the bad kids.
When I asked one friend about why she liked the Catholic church better, she said that it was because there was order and reverence, and that it wasn't a circus. I could partially see that, but I still thought she was just hard-hearted towards the moving of the Spirit.
But all of this must have been sinking in and growing in me even then, because I started giving things up for Lent my sophomore year of college. I must have already noticed the lack of traditions that we have in Protestantism, and it made me sad. I remember my mom chuckling at me that first year, saying that I had made my own little religion, picking and choosing from different ones. Nowadays, that comment would get me shouted down as a tolerant, "ecumenical" (yuck!), relativistically-minded weakling who isn't really a Christian. It's something that makes me proud, though.* I was in college, meeting new people-including many Muslims, learning new things, and I was searching for ways to make my faith my own.
And I still find God's truth all over the place. I surely don't have it cornered & labeled. I will happily pluck the truth that I see and add it to my prismatic view of God, especially when it comes from other Christian brothers and sisters. That's a no-brainer.
Protestants got rid of the sacraments other than baptism and communion (which we don't even do that often), and severed ties with almost all of church history and tradition, as if we/they had invented Christianity out of whole cloth in the 16th century. I understand that there were course corrections to be made, but it's a classic case of baby/bathwater.
So I do my best to sacrifice a little bit for Lent. Out of a sense of tradition and unity, and also because I do think it draws me closer to Jesus. I don't think my salvation depends upon it, and I don't think God cares a lot, other than the fact that we have a relationship and I made a promise. I remember his sacrifices, and I attempt to die a little to myself more than I normally would. When I desire the thing I gave up, I learn to live without it and I talk to him. A little deprivation isn't going to kill most Americans.
*"You seem to be very broad-minded in your opinions, Miss Shirley." "That's the nicest compliment anyone's ever paid me, Mrs. Harris."
I don't remember exactly why I started, but I'm sure I was influenced by more exposure to Catholicism through people in college, including one Catholic best friend, and two other best friends converting with their families away from the good, old Assemblies of God. I was raised semi-Pentecostal by my family, then attended AofG churches & school from 7th-12th grades, attending AofG church into college. Seth & I even got married in an AofG church.
I saw later in life, while teaching at my alma mater, that though I didn't realize while it was being done, I was certainly given an anti-Catholic POV at my school. I remember being quite worried about my friends who were going to catholic churches-- I might as well have called them papists like some Elizabethan snob. I was afraid that they were praying to saints and relying on works to save them, that they wouldn't still pray and know God, and that Jesus would lose stature in their hearts.
The school I attended was a bit crazy. Have you seen the movie Jesus Camp? That isn't too terribly off the mark, though we were decidedly less militaristic. Mix Jesus Camp with a healthy dose of Saved and you've hit it right on the head. Every year, we had Spiritual Emphasis Week, which meant that we had chapel every day, sometimes with a semi-special guest speaker, and all were expected to raise their hands, go to the front, or whatever. Though I was one of the students who was actually into it, I also had no qualms at all about helping to stir up emotion so that chapel ran really long and we could miss more classes. I was a good kid, and the ones who had attitudes and didn't raise their hands to say that they wanted to be on fire for Jesus were the bad kids.
When I asked one friend about why she liked the Catholic church better, she said that it was because there was order and reverence, and that it wasn't a circus. I could partially see that, but I still thought she was just hard-hearted towards the moving of the Spirit.
But all of this must have been sinking in and growing in me even then, because I started giving things up for Lent my sophomore year of college. I must have already noticed the lack of traditions that we have in Protestantism, and it made me sad. I remember my mom chuckling at me that first year, saying that I had made my own little religion, picking and choosing from different ones. Nowadays, that comment would get me shouted down as a tolerant, "ecumenical" (yuck!), relativistically-minded weakling who isn't really a Christian. It's something that makes me proud, though.* I was in college, meeting new people-including many Muslims, learning new things, and I was searching for ways to make my faith my own.
And I still find God's truth all over the place. I surely don't have it cornered & labeled. I will happily pluck the truth that I see and add it to my prismatic view of God, especially when it comes from other Christian brothers and sisters. That's a no-brainer.
Protestants got rid of the sacraments other than baptism and communion (which we don't even do that often), and severed ties with almost all of church history and tradition, as if we/they had invented Christianity out of whole cloth in the 16th century. I understand that there were course corrections to be made, but it's a classic case of baby/bathwater.
So I do my best to sacrifice a little bit for Lent. Out of a sense of tradition and unity, and also because I do think it draws me closer to Jesus. I don't think my salvation depends upon it, and I don't think God cares a lot, other than the fact that we have a relationship and I made a promise. I remember his sacrifices, and I attempt to die a little to myself more than I normally would. When I desire the thing I gave up, I learn to live without it and I talk to him. A little deprivation isn't going to kill most Americans.
*"You seem to be very broad-minded in your opinions, Miss Shirley." "That's the nicest compliment anyone's ever paid me, Mrs. Harris."
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Gah
Sometimes. Once in a while. Not often. But often enough to bug me.
I want a baby.
But I am 35. I was told this would happen. And I was told I'd get over it. And I always knew that, should I not get over it, we can adopt.
Sometimes I don't want to adopt. I want Seth's baby. But I also want a Haitian baby.
Of course, I realized earlier that I've been thinking about doing an internship at a Mexican orphanage, so it will probably be a Mexican baby/kid. That's cool, too. Probably even better.
I don't want to talk about it. You'll know if anything really changes.
And, seriously, it's like once every 2 weeks or something that I think I want a baby. I am a human being, you know. Thought it doesn't twitch often, I do have a uterus.
I want a baby.
But I am 35. I was told this would happen. And I was told I'd get over it. And I always knew that, should I not get over it, we can adopt.
Sometimes I don't want to adopt. I want Seth's baby. But I also want a Haitian baby.
Of course, I realized earlier that I've been thinking about doing an internship at a Mexican orphanage, so it will probably be a Mexican baby/kid. That's cool, too. Probably even better.
I don't want to talk about it. You'll know if anything really changes.
And, seriously, it's like once every 2 weeks or something that I think I want a baby. I am a human being, you know. Thought it doesn't twitch often, I do have a uterus.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Baby Steps
As you may or may not know, I spend entirely too much time online. Really, I spend entirely too much time in this here green, corduroy chair. So, after using online timers and a variety of site blockers, I have taken the step of putting my computer in the dining room. Since it's less comfy, I don't want to spend as much time there, and when I need to do homework, I have more room and can concentrate more.
Now, it's a laptop, so you'd think that this isn't that strong of an incentive to stay on task, but it's working. I set up space at the table, and I leave my cord in there, so that if I want to spend a long time on the computer, I'll have to sit there. Sure, I can bring the thing in here for a while, but I won't bring the cord, which shortens the length of my stay in cyberspace.
But, Robin, you say, couldn't you just turn off your wireless? Yes, and I can also turn it back on. Besides, I can find all sorts of creative ways to spend time on the computer that don't necessarily involve facebook or twitter. The latest time-sucker? Mint.com coupled with Dave Ramsey's FPU budgeting tools online. We have a lot of money this month, so I've been doing a lot of fiddling with the budget. "Oh, well now this came." "But this isn't realistic. I'll make a normal month's budget." "Oh, but this should be tweaked." "Ooh! You can split up the Costco bill into different categories!"
Hours of fun.
Even before this foray into money wrangling, I could spend, oh, two hours easily fiddling with music. Listening to recommended music, searching for new music, downloading free songs, listening, rating, converting (from mp4), deleting, making playlists, adding and removing music from my mp3 players (one for regular listening, including podcasts, and one for exercise, including techno).
I've actually had to stop downloading music for the past month or so, because I just don't have time to listen to it all. I realized yesterday that I had downloaded the entire catalog of one indie label early this year, and I had yet to listen to one song. So, I'm slowing down. I just looked, and I have 799 unrated (meaning I've never listened to them) songs on my laptop (that I've only had since August). You see my problem.
So, in the grand scheme of time-wasting, you can see that a small step like having to sit at the table to work will make a big difference.
Now, it's a laptop, so you'd think that this isn't that strong of an incentive to stay on task, but it's working. I set up space at the table, and I leave my cord in there, so that if I want to spend a long time on the computer, I'll have to sit there. Sure, I can bring the thing in here for a while, but I won't bring the cord, which shortens the length of my stay in cyberspace.
But, Robin, you say, couldn't you just turn off your wireless? Yes, and I can also turn it back on. Besides, I can find all sorts of creative ways to spend time on the computer that don't necessarily involve facebook or twitter. The latest time-sucker? Mint.com coupled with Dave Ramsey's FPU budgeting tools online. We have a lot of money this month, so I've been doing a lot of fiddling with the budget. "Oh, well now this came." "But this isn't realistic. I'll make a normal month's budget." "Oh, but this should be tweaked." "Ooh! You can split up the Costco bill into different categories!"
Hours of fun.
Even before this foray into money wrangling, I could spend, oh, two hours easily fiddling with music. Listening to recommended music, searching for new music, downloading free songs, listening, rating, converting (from mp4), deleting, making playlists, adding and removing music from my mp3 players (one for regular listening, including podcasts, and one for exercise, including techno).
I've actually had to stop downloading music for the past month or so, because I just don't have time to listen to it all. I realized yesterday that I had downloaded the entire catalog of one indie label early this year, and I had yet to listen to one song. So, I'm slowing down. I just looked, and I have 799 unrated (meaning I've never listened to them) songs on my laptop (that I've only had since August). You see my problem.
So, in the grand scheme of time-wasting, you can see that a small step like having to sit at the table to work will make a big difference.
Friday, February 12, 2010
My new plan
I was going to get a tattoo tomorrow- the word "love" in kinda fancy script on my arm- to take part in To Write Love on Her Arms. It's a suicide prevention organization and some random people on FB declare this day or another TWLOHA day, so whatever.
When I went in to the tattoo place today, though, I just wasn't feeling it. I was a bit iffy about the money, and I just wasn't 100% on board, which you really should be when getting something permanent put on your body in a place that will show almost all the time.
Later, I thought, "If it's supposed to be a personally meaningful gesture acknowledging your own suicide attempt, you should get it done on the anniversary of the day you tried." Good idea, Self! The only bummer is that day is in January, so I have to wait almost a year.
But! I just realized that it will be kind of fun. I'll get it next year, January 11, 2011. It will be the 18th Annual Happy to be Alive Day! I had thought it was going to be the 11th anniversary or something, but I suppose my usually stunningly quick math skillz have to have some way-way-off moments once in a while.
Of course, this is all just a matter of whether or not I can handle the wait. I do believe there will be a monthly tattoo fund started, though.
When I went in to the tattoo place today, though, I just wasn't feeling it. I was a bit iffy about the money, and I just wasn't 100% on board, which you really should be when getting something permanent put on your body in a place that will show almost all the time.
Later, I thought, "If it's supposed to be a personally meaningful gesture acknowledging your own suicide attempt, you should get it done on the anniversary of the day you tried." Good idea, Self! The only bummer is that day is in January, so I have to wait almost a year.
But! I just realized that it will be kind of fun. I'll get it next year, January 11, 2011. It will be the 18th Annual Happy to be Alive Day! I had thought it was going to be the 11th anniversary or something, but I suppose my usually stunningly quick math skillz have to have some way-way-off moments once in a while.
Of course, this is all just a matter of whether or not I can handle the wait. I do believe there will be a monthly tattoo fund started, though.
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Apparently, I'm Stressed
Gah. I don't know. Seth first pointed it out because last Sunday, when I was supposed to teach at the young adult group at church, I got painful back spasms.
"Maybe it's stress."
"But I'm not stressed! I don't feel stressed!"
The spasms went away that evening, and they haven't come back. Tonight, though, I'm very aware of a knot in the same spot. I'm teaching this Sunday. Now, I do have a messed up back. But I'm starting to be suspicious.
There's other evidence: I had a tension headache on Thursday. Right across my forehead; made me all frowny.
For a few days, I've been aware of the wire-taut tension in my body.
Now, it's not just the teaching, which I swear to you, I'm nervous about, but not stressed. I also have my class, and we're going through the process of getting our money in order. So my mind is constantly going going going going going. My mom was in the hospital for a few days, I've done some additional volunteering where I was needed, two, if not all three, of my sisters are dealing with some heavy crap right now, and I miss my goddaughters.
I need to do this. I need to do that. Clean, study, work out, run, read your Bible, call that person back, hang out with that person, put away laundry, make dinner, write a paper, do research, teach, lead, budget, go go go go go go go.
I go through this every year, now that I think about it. Not really sure how I get past it every time, but I know that I do. The thing is, all of the pressure and stress I'm feeling is self-created.
Ahhhh...I realize now. I've regressed to that old way of doing things: God put this all in my path, these are all good things, so I need to just suck it up, put my head down, and barrel through this.
No. Nope. No.
I am not designed to handle everything on my own. As a human being made in God's image, I am designed for community and inter-dependency. I am part of the dance of perichoresis, with I in him and he in me and them in us, etc. When I learned about perichoresis, (see John 17), I pictured it as a triple-helix, like Trinity DNA. And we enter into that. We are one as he is one. It can feel sort of trippy & new agey, if you let it, but it's all there.
I suppose my application step now is to embrace the cliché: Let go & let God.
I'm not betraying God by feeling busy or overwhelmed. I'm right on target. I need to ask for help from him and from others. I need to not try to keep everything in line and prove that I can handle it. I can't. That's good. I don't want to.
Can I just say that I love it when a post starts out totally whiny and pointless but then gets all deep?
"Maybe it's stress."
"But I'm not stressed! I don't feel stressed!"
The spasms went away that evening, and they haven't come back. Tonight, though, I'm very aware of a knot in the same spot. I'm teaching this Sunday. Now, I do have a messed up back. But I'm starting to be suspicious.
There's other evidence: I had a tension headache on Thursday. Right across my forehead; made me all frowny.
For a few days, I've been aware of the wire-taut tension in my body.
Now, it's not just the teaching, which I swear to you, I'm nervous about, but not stressed. I also have my class, and we're going through the process of getting our money in order. So my mind is constantly going going going going going. My mom was in the hospital for a few days, I've done some additional volunteering where I was needed, two, if not all three, of my sisters are dealing with some heavy crap right now, and I miss my goddaughters.
I need to do this. I need to do that. Clean, study, work out, run, read your Bible, call that person back, hang out with that person, put away laundry, make dinner, write a paper, do research, teach, lead, budget, go go go go go go go.
I go through this every year, now that I think about it. Not really sure how I get past it every time, but I know that I do. The thing is, all of the pressure and stress I'm feeling is self-created.
Ahhhh...I realize now. I've regressed to that old way of doing things: God put this all in my path, these are all good things, so I need to just suck it up, put my head down, and barrel through this.
No. Nope. No.
I am not designed to handle everything on my own. As a human being made in God's image, I am designed for community and inter-dependency. I am part of the dance of perichoresis, with I in him and he in me and them in us, etc. When I learned about perichoresis, (see John 17), I pictured it as a triple-helix, like Trinity DNA. And we enter into that. We are one as he is one. It can feel sort of trippy & new agey, if you let it, but it's all there.
I suppose my application step now is to embrace the cliché: Let go & let God.
I'm not betraying God by feeling busy or overwhelmed. I'm right on target. I need to ask for help from him and from others. I need to not try to keep everything in line and prove that I can handle it. I can't. That's good. I don't want to.
Can I just say that I love it when a post starts out totally whiny and pointless but then gets all deep?
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Allow me a little gastronomical slumming, won't you?
You may get grossed out, but my favorite FAVORITE meal is what I'll call Mac n' Cheese Goulash.
The basics: mac n' cheese, ground turkey, peas, and tomato sauce of some kind. This could be leftover spaghetti sauce, pizza sauce, salsa, a can of tomato paste, whatever.
The best goulashes also include worcestershire sauce, but it's not necessary, especially if going for spicy instead.
Tonight's is as follows: 1 box mac n cheese (Annie's Organic- love the bunny), 1 box sun dried tomato something or other pasta & parmesan cheese sauce from Kraft, 1 small can of tomato sauce, peas, turkey, and gorgonzola. We're out of worcestershire.
I haven't had it yet. It may be gross, but doubtful. It will probably be delicious. Like the other times I make it, we'll probably love it and I'll want to eat it for a midnight snack and for breakfast- no need to heat it up.
You may want me to hang my head in shame, but I shan't.
ETA: It was, in a word, magnificent.
The basics: mac n' cheese, ground turkey, peas, and tomato sauce of some kind. This could be leftover spaghetti sauce, pizza sauce, salsa, a can of tomato paste, whatever.
The best goulashes also include worcestershire sauce, but it's not necessary, especially if going for spicy instead.
Tonight's is as follows: 1 box mac n cheese (Annie's Organic- love the bunny), 1 box sun dried tomato something or other pasta & parmesan cheese sauce from Kraft, 1 small can of tomato sauce, peas, turkey, and gorgonzola. We're out of worcestershire.
I haven't had it yet. It may be gross, but doubtful. It will probably be delicious. Like the other times I make it, we'll probably love it and I'll want to eat it for a midnight snack and for breakfast- no need to heat it up.
You may want me to hang my head in shame, but I shan't.
ETA: It was, in a word, magnificent.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Ways in which I miss being a kid
I was in the pool at the gym today for a few minutes, and I had a wonderful time. I love swimming. I love being in the water. It has always been one of my favorite things in the world, but most days, if you were to ask me about swimming, I would say that it sucks. That's because as an athlete, I've redefined "swimming" to mean "doing laps," which sucks big toes. I'm not good at it, it's hard, and I hate it. I had to do it when I was training for a triathlon, and I've barely been in the pool since, and that's sad.
I love playing in the water, flipping around, maybe doing a little freestyle, but without goggles and with my hair streaming behind me or getting in my face. I don't know if I'll ever get over the fun of making the George Washington hairstyle, where you put all your hair in front of your face, and then fold it back to make a roll in front. I don't know why it's called George Washington, but that's what we called it in junior high.
As I was in the pool, I remembered that I used to say that my favorite things in the world were swimming, dancing, and playing volleyball. The only time I've really danced in the past, hmmm....10 years? has been at weddings. I used to love to go out dancing, but as I've gotten older, I've gotten more tired. It's hard to stay up that late and go out, and I don't know of good places around here anyway. Right now, I'm saying to myself, "You need to call Jenny & go out dancing soon," but it makes me tired just to think about it.
And volleyball? Sheesh. As a general rule, most adults don't play volleyball. It's just not around. And when there is an opportunity, it's usually people who are Good and I am not Good Enough, at least in my own head, to play. I'm too much of a perfectionist to relax and have fun. And I don't want to make the serious players mad.
My friends and I used to play wallyball fairly regularly in college, and that was ridiculous amounts of fun. Sometimes we knew it was just for fun, depending on who came, and other times we got to be a little more serious and get some good exercise. That was awesome. I still have my kneepads somewhere. Sliding is wonderful.
Is there anything you miss doing? Can/should we get together and just do them? If anyone is up for a not completely pointless, but no pressure volleyball game, please let me know.
I love playing in the water, flipping around, maybe doing a little freestyle, but without goggles and with my hair streaming behind me or getting in my face. I don't know if I'll ever get over the fun of making the George Washington hairstyle, where you put all your hair in front of your face, and then fold it back to make a roll in front. I don't know why it's called George Washington, but that's what we called it in junior high.
As I was in the pool, I remembered that I used to say that my favorite things in the world were swimming, dancing, and playing volleyball. The only time I've really danced in the past, hmmm....10 years? has been at weddings. I used to love to go out dancing, but as I've gotten older, I've gotten more tired. It's hard to stay up that late and go out, and I don't know of good places around here anyway. Right now, I'm saying to myself, "You need to call Jenny & go out dancing soon," but it makes me tired just to think about it.
And volleyball? Sheesh. As a general rule, most adults don't play volleyball. It's just not around. And when there is an opportunity, it's usually people who are Good and I am not Good Enough, at least in my own head, to play. I'm too much of a perfectionist to relax and have fun. And I don't want to make the serious players mad.
My friends and I used to play wallyball fairly regularly in college, and that was ridiculous amounts of fun. Sometimes we knew it was just for fun, depending on who came, and other times we got to be a little more serious and get some good exercise. That was awesome. I still have my kneepads somewhere. Sliding is wonderful.
Is there anything you miss doing? Can/should we get together and just do them? If anyone is up for a not completely pointless, but no pressure volleyball game, please let me know.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Quick complaints about Heroes (with one or two praises)
It bugs me so freaking much that the show has gone with the storyline that Peter really lost his powers and can only have one at a time. It just burns me right up! If his ability was that he could have all the abilities- it was something in him that he had to finally realize- then he should still have it. His dad shouldn't have been able to take that away. Maybe for awhile, but then he should have been able to tap into that place inside of himself and have them all again. AGH!!! You can ask Seth about how much this bothers me, because I can't seem to shut up about it, like the fact that the contestants on the Amazing Race area always shown buying 2 plane tickets, when we know DAMN WELL that they need 4 to include their crew members!!
(Also in this annoying vein is Extreme Makeover when the designers pretend that they're just meeting the family and AHA!, I think I'll make you this kind of room! It doesn't take away from our enjoyment of the show to know that you planned it ahead of time. It's already impressive. Just show us the stinking house more! I'd prefer they didn't even show the designers at all. Other than Michael.)
Wow, that was a long parenthetical.
Heroes did one good thing tonight: they finally brought up again the fact that Sylar doesn't have to kill to take abilities. Sylar has really been the center of my difficulties with this show, and I liked complex Sylar. I absolutely LOVED the vision of GoodFutureSylar with a baby in Claire's kitchen. I'm glad that they're having him struggle again, though the "I'm so bad! No one will ever love me!" thing is a bit lame. Very romance novel. Which reminds me of what I said after seeing Star Trek: I really want Zachary Quinto to be in a romantic comedy. To smile and laugh and be normal. Please?
Oh, and confused Fan Boy Hiro is a crack-up.
(Also in this annoying vein is Extreme Makeover when the designers pretend that they're just meeting the family and AHA!, I think I'll make you this kind of room! It doesn't take away from our enjoyment of the show to know that you planned it ahead of time. It's already impressive. Just show us the stinking house more! I'd prefer they didn't even show the designers at all. Other than Michael.)
Wow, that was a long parenthetical.
Heroes did one good thing tonight: they finally brought up again the fact that Sylar doesn't have to kill to take abilities. Sylar has really been the center of my difficulties with this show, and I liked complex Sylar. I absolutely LOVED the vision of GoodFutureSylar with a baby in Claire's kitchen. I'm glad that they're having him struggle again, though the "I'm so bad! No one will ever love me!" thing is a bit lame. Very romance novel. Which reminds me of what I said after seeing Star Trek: I really want Zachary Quinto to be in a romantic comedy. To smile and laugh and be normal. Please?
Oh, and confused Fan Boy Hiro is a crack-up.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
FYI: Depression hasn't a "why"
Some of you may not know this, so I'm telling you: if someone in your life is depressed, there probably isn't a real reason. They're not doing it on purpose, and they aren't focusing on the wrong things. Well, maybe they are- it can suck you in- but that's not my point. The point is that, at least for me, the depression is in me. It always is. I'm pretty sure it always has been.
Yes, circumstances in life can kick it up a notch, but I can tell when it's chemically induced more than just overwhelming sadness because the circumstances in life really aren't that bad. My life is fine. My life is great. I'm very happy. I just happen to be super depressed right now. And I know that there's no real reason for it other than my stupid brain. So- don't worry. Don't try too much cheer me up, don't point out all the good things I have, don't tell me this or that will make me feel better.
Is it good for me to have some distraction? Yes, it is. Tonight is New Year's Eve, and what I really want to do is sit in this chair and alternate staring into space with playing Bubble Town. Preferably drunk. But what I will do is go out with my friends, and laugh and have fun. I don't need to wallow any more than I already do.
At least in my case, I have dealt with this long enough that I have a pretty good handle on how to deal. I know that, though I can't just buck up and be done with this, I also need a swift kick in the rear to keep living and not get overly despondent or melodramatic. I know that my life is great and that I'm being lame.
A few of you can try to kick me in the butt, but be prepared for me to fight back a little. It'll all be okay.
Yes, circumstances in life can kick it up a notch, but I can tell when it's chemically induced more than just overwhelming sadness because the circumstances in life really aren't that bad. My life is fine. My life is great. I'm very happy. I just happen to be super depressed right now. And I know that there's no real reason for it other than my stupid brain. So- don't worry. Don't try too much cheer me up, don't point out all the good things I have, don't tell me this or that will make me feel better.
Is it good for me to have some distraction? Yes, it is. Tonight is New Year's Eve, and what I really want to do is sit in this chair and alternate staring into space with playing Bubble Town. Preferably drunk. But what I will do is go out with my friends, and laugh and have fun. I don't need to wallow any more than I already do.
At least in my case, I have dealt with this long enough that I have a pretty good handle on how to deal. I know that, though I can't just buck up and be done with this, I also need a swift kick in the rear to keep living and not get overly despondent or melodramatic. I know that my life is great and that I'm being lame.
A few of you can try to kick me in the butt, but be prepared for me to fight back a little. It'll all be okay.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
2009- Man, am I glad it's over
I gotta tell ya, I don't feel like writing right now. (Gee! Thanks, Robin! I'm sure this will be GREAT!) I know that I should write, though. I can't believe I've only written once this month, when I know I have thoughts rolling around in my head.
Nutshell? I'm pretty depressed. It's not like I'm crying and in the depths of despair, but more a conclusion I've come to or something I finally saw. I have zero motivation to do anything other than play Bubble Town or be on FB & Twitter all day. And I'm tired of it.
I don't like the way I live my life. God & my husband don't allow me to not work so that I can get fatter and fatter and also get carpal tunnel. I'm supposed to be doing things. I'm supposed to take better care of my husband and house, I'm supposed to be volunteering more, I'm supposed to be reading and studying and hanging out with people I care about and exercising and playing real instruments, not just plastic ones.
Usually I'm not a big fan of shoulding on myself, but this is more than a guilt trip: it's a not quite rock bottom that I would like to be a turning point. I'm clear about these things.
The year started oddly: my sister, who I probably love more than anyone in the world besides Seth, was in the hospital. After about a month, I just couldn't stand it anymore and, after dropping my classes, went to Michigan to be with her. I woke up one night just crying and freaking out because I couldn't stand the thought of her being alone in the hospital when my mom couldn't be there (and her husband was deployed).
The doctors were really being pessimistic and all but assuring her that her daughter would die, but we didn't believe them. There are plenty of stories online about women in similar situations whose babies lived. I, for one, expected Adi to be born premature and puny, but that she'd live. Sure, complications were to be expected, but they'd be gotten past. But she did die.
My sister had a horrible, terrifying c-section while my brother-in-law watched their daughter get yanked out of her, and then he watched her die after an hour. My sister never saw her or held her alive.
The same day that my niece died, my friend's brother was accidentally shot and killed. Let's cancel January 23rd from now on, okay?
I was in MI for a month, mourning and comforting as best I could, but I also had a good time with my friends and family. A few days after my sister got out of the hospital, we went to Costco and my brother-in-law and I cracked up watching her try to run people down in the scooter/cart. I got to see lots of my friends multiple times, I got drunker than ever before with one of my best friends and some guys from high school, I got together with some online friends, saw a Red Wings game, and got sick of winter.
After I was home for a few weeks, I went to stay with my sister for 2 weeks in North Carolina. We had a great time, and we also got to visit our cousin and her family in Richmond, which was fabulous.
A lot of the year was good: I went to CHIC with the youth group, Seth and I had a great 10th anniversary vacation in the NW, and I had a fabulous class this fall.
This was also an expensive year, and my car currently sits dead in the driveway. All told, I was out of my bed & away from home for almost 4 months this year.
I've been worried a lot this year. About my sister, brother-in-law, parents, another sister who has been depressed and confused, the messed-up sister who lost both her kids but is pregnant with a third, about everything that could be worried about for my husband, about money, the marriages of multiple friends-- you name it. I know I don't need to worry, and I sometimes do a good job of casting stuff on God. But not enough, apparently.
I stopped working with two ministries and added another one, which is still finding its rhythm.
I didn't really like our Christmas.
I want a house.
I want a best friend in California.
I've stayed on medicine, which I want to double, but I don't want to do that arbitrarily. I can't ask my doctor do up my prescription, because I still haven't seen anyone about my depression. I didn't think I needed to before, but maybe I do. Maybe if I talked to someone about my stupid lack of motivation and what appears to be self-sabotage, I'd get somewhere. I know that Jesus is helping me and I don't have to do all this on my own.
I'm just tired. And I'm excited about this year being over. I know it has been weird, and I want it to go. I want to start over- start fresh. Though some may call that naïve, I know that I can start fresh. I can start over right now, if I wanted to. I've been trying for about 2 weeks now to change; to think in a new way.
I just keep sitting back down.
Nutshell? I'm pretty depressed. It's not like I'm crying and in the depths of despair, but more a conclusion I've come to or something I finally saw. I have zero motivation to do anything other than play Bubble Town or be on FB & Twitter all day. And I'm tired of it.
I don't like the way I live my life. God & my husband don't allow me to not work so that I can get fatter and fatter and also get carpal tunnel. I'm supposed to be doing things. I'm supposed to take better care of my husband and house, I'm supposed to be volunteering more, I'm supposed to be reading and studying and hanging out with people I care about and exercising and playing real instruments, not just plastic ones.
Usually I'm not a big fan of shoulding on myself, but this is more than a guilt trip: it's a not quite rock bottom that I would like to be a turning point. I'm clear about these things.
The year started oddly: my sister, who I probably love more than anyone in the world besides Seth, was in the hospital. After about a month, I just couldn't stand it anymore and, after dropping my classes, went to Michigan to be with her. I woke up one night just crying and freaking out because I couldn't stand the thought of her being alone in the hospital when my mom couldn't be there (and her husband was deployed).
The doctors were really being pessimistic and all but assuring her that her daughter would die, but we didn't believe them. There are plenty of stories online about women in similar situations whose babies lived. I, for one, expected Adi to be born premature and puny, but that she'd live. Sure, complications were to be expected, but they'd be gotten past. But she did die.
My sister had a horrible, terrifying c-section while my brother-in-law watched their daughter get yanked out of her, and then he watched her die after an hour. My sister never saw her or held her alive.
The same day that my niece died, my friend's brother was accidentally shot and killed. Let's cancel January 23rd from now on, okay?
I was in MI for a month, mourning and comforting as best I could, but I also had a good time with my friends and family. A few days after my sister got out of the hospital, we went to Costco and my brother-in-law and I cracked up watching her try to run people down in the scooter/cart. I got to see lots of my friends multiple times, I got drunker than ever before with one of my best friends and some guys from high school, I got together with some online friends, saw a Red Wings game, and got sick of winter.
After I was home for a few weeks, I went to stay with my sister for 2 weeks in North Carolina. We had a great time, and we also got to visit our cousin and her family in Richmond, which was fabulous.
A lot of the year was good: I went to CHIC with the youth group, Seth and I had a great 10th anniversary vacation in the NW, and I had a fabulous class this fall.
This was also an expensive year, and my car currently sits dead in the driveway. All told, I was out of my bed & away from home for almost 4 months this year.
I've been worried a lot this year. About my sister, brother-in-law, parents, another sister who has been depressed and confused, the messed-up sister who lost both her kids but is pregnant with a third, about everything that could be worried about for my husband, about money, the marriages of multiple friends-- you name it. I know I don't need to worry, and I sometimes do a good job of casting stuff on God. But not enough, apparently.
I stopped working with two ministries and added another one, which is still finding its rhythm.
I didn't really like our Christmas.
I want a house.
I want a best friend in California.
I've stayed on medicine, which I want to double, but I don't want to do that arbitrarily. I can't ask my doctor do up my prescription, because I still haven't seen anyone about my depression. I didn't think I needed to before, but maybe I do. Maybe if I talked to someone about my stupid lack of motivation and what appears to be self-sabotage, I'd get somewhere. I know that Jesus is helping me and I don't have to do all this on my own.
I'm just tired. And I'm excited about this year being over. I know it has been weird, and I want it to go. I want to start over- start fresh. Though some may call that naïve, I know that I can start fresh. I can start over right now, if I wanted to. I've been trying for about 2 weeks now to change; to think in a new way.
I just keep sitting back down.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
The Swell Season
Oh, I was so wrong. As soon as Glen & Mar came on stage, I was ridiculously happy. There is something magical (yes, I said, "magical") about hearing in person music that you love so much, especially when it's from a movie. It feels extra-special or strange to see the people & hear the songs. So I was grinning like an idiot and felt, well, buoyant when they started singing. "In These Arms" was touching and lovely, and was already a little teary during, "If You Want Me," which was the 2nd song.
They sang the first few songs sitting on the ground together, then she went over to the piano, and he eventually brought out his band, The Frames, who I also love. As you may know, but I had forgotten, things are always a little more loud and rowdy in person, so even the slower songs were more powerful live, and they were definitely rocking sometimes.
For a small set, the guys from The Frames and Marketa left the stage, and Glen stood there with his holey guitar you saw in the movie and sang an acoustic set for us. Oy. That's all I can really say. Oy. He started singing "Say It To Me Now," behind the mic, but quickly stepped out and just belted it from the front of the stage, and I seriously wept the whole time. (It's a short song.) The man is amazing.
Aside from being rollicking and emotional and powerful, it was also a really fun and intimate concert. The theater seats about 3000 people, so it wasn't too big. Glen interacted a ton with us in the audience, telling funny stories, encouraging us to sing along ever louder, and even taking a few questions and requests. They did "Falling Slowly" during their encore, which ended up being 4 songs, I believe, including an old blues/folk song that we all had to sing.
Their U.S. tour is almost over, but I highly encourage you to watch Once if you haven't, buy all their music, check out The Frames and buy their music, and see The Swell Season next time they're near you.
Monday, November 16, 2009
You know that old saying, "When you assume..."
you make an ass out of yourself and just make God more godly and clear.
I've been working on a novel for NaNoWriMo, and I've written over 15,000 words so far. I really like it a lot. The purpose of NaNoWriMo is just to get those words out of you. They don't have to be good, and you shouldn't edit. Just WRITE. The goal is 50,000 words by midnight on November 30th. I was nervous to start, but the book has just been pouring out of me and I'm really having fun and mostly like what I've written.
Here's the rub: it's not necessarily a Christian novel. (GASP!) And I, dear reader, am planning on being some sort of pastor. It's not like that alone is a problem. Sheesh, I'm not a complete shut-in and don't cater to those who would get their panties in a knot about that. The thing is, there's s-e-x in the book. Um, not "within the bounds of marriage" s-e-x. The aforementioned activity is considered a mistake and is dealt with- it's sort of the premise of the book- but when it happens, it's also kind of fun. I think I'm being real in the book by not pretending that all sin absolutely sucks when you're engaging in it, but there are consequences.
To recap: Adultery: it's fun! Oh, wait, it sucks. There are consequences, repentance, and God is mentioned, but I'm not shooting for a Christian novel vibe. I really don't know if there would be any sort of audience at all for this book with the mix of sassy & Christian I'm working. There's no salvation prayer uttered, OH, and there's swearing. Just a little. I'm trying to portray real people that are also Christians trying to live their lives.
I've asked a couple people what they think of the general concept & whether it's okay for me to be writing this book. The stupidity of me? I never asked God about it until yesterday. Here's the assuming part: I got the idea at the beginning of this year and actually started writing it back then. And this month, I've been cranking on it and really enjoying it. So, I assumed that because I had the inspiration and it was flowing, that God was okay with it.
But yesterday, 6 of us were walking (limping) back to the car after our half marathon, and suddenly decided to go to church. The worship was rocking, so we went a-knocking. It was great and beautiful, and our stinky butts decided to stay for the whole service. (Seriously- we were still in our nasty race clothes, numbers on our shirts, medals around our necks.) The pastor was talking about hearing from God and told us all that God would be telling us something during service. He spoke of different things you could hear: Stop, Pause, Rewind, or Fast Forward. These corresponded to (duh) stopping something you may be doing, pausing and seeing if maybe you're doing something for the wrong reasons or rushing headlong into your own plans, the need to completely repent and get on a different path, or the word to go ahead and jump.
What I think was my word from God was an exact sentence that the pastor said: Press the pause button and bring it into the light. And, really, I wanted to kick myself. How was it that I was talking to other people about it and not God? Duh, Robin. Duh.
So, I've put it before God. I haven't gotten an answer yet, and I'm going to wait a bit and see if I get a yes or a no. It may be that it's fine, but I needed to stop and think and bring God into it more, or I may need to stop. We'll see.
I've been working on a novel for NaNoWriMo, and I've written over 15,000 words so far. I really like it a lot. The purpose of NaNoWriMo is just to get those words out of you. They don't have to be good, and you shouldn't edit. Just WRITE. The goal is 50,000 words by midnight on November 30th. I was nervous to start, but the book has just been pouring out of me and I'm really having fun and mostly like what I've written.
Here's the rub: it's not necessarily a Christian novel. (GASP!) And I, dear reader, am planning on being some sort of pastor. It's not like that alone is a problem. Sheesh, I'm not a complete shut-in and don't cater to those who would get their panties in a knot about that. The thing is, there's s-e-x in the book. Um, not "within the bounds of marriage" s-e-x. The aforementioned activity is considered a mistake and is dealt with- it's sort of the premise of the book- but when it happens, it's also kind of fun. I think I'm being real in the book by not pretending that all sin absolutely sucks when you're engaging in it, but there are consequences.
To recap: Adultery: it's fun! Oh, wait, it sucks. There are consequences, repentance, and God is mentioned, but I'm not shooting for a Christian novel vibe. I really don't know if there would be any sort of audience at all for this book with the mix of sassy & Christian I'm working. There's no salvation prayer uttered, OH, and there's swearing. Just a little. I'm trying to portray real people that are also Christians trying to live their lives.
I've asked a couple people what they think of the general concept & whether it's okay for me to be writing this book. The stupidity of me? I never asked God about it until yesterday. Here's the assuming part: I got the idea at the beginning of this year and actually started writing it back then. And this month, I've been cranking on it and really enjoying it. So, I assumed that because I had the inspiration and it was flowing, that God was okay with it.
But yesterday, 6 of us were walking (limping) back to the car after our half marathon, and suddenly decided to go to church. The worship was rocking, so we went a-knocking. It was great and beautiful, and our stinky butts decided to stay for the whole service. (Seriously- we were still in our nasty race clothes, numbers on our shirts, medals around our necks.) The pastor was talking about hearing from God and told us all that God would be telling us something during service. He spoke of different things you could hear: Stop, Pause, Rewind, or Fast Forward. These corresponded to (duh) stopping something you may be doing, pausing and seeing if maybe you're doing something for the wrong reasons or rushing headlong into your own plans, the need to completely repent and get on a different path, or the word to go ahead and jump.
What I think was my word from God was an exact sentence that the pastor said: Press the pause button and bring it into the light. And, really, I wanted to kick myself. How was it that I was talking to other people about it and not God? Duh, Robin. Duh.
So, I've put it before God. I haven't gotten an answer yet, and I'm going to wait a bit and see if I get a yes or a no. It may be that it's fine, but I needed to stop and think and bring God into it more, or I may need to stop. We'll see.
Friday, November 13, 2009
God is funny when he gives you the smackdown
Well, I guess I didn't get an actual smackdown today, but more along the lines of God whistling a bit, sidling up and sliding something into my view.
So, I'm minding my own business this morning, fixing to read James (favorite!) both for a paper and to spend some time in The Word™, and I see 2 Thessalonians. "Hmmmm," I think. "I need to find a passage for my exegetical paper, and I don't really spend much time in 2 Thess (I can call them that) and don't really know what it's about, so I'll read that today. Good idea, Robin!"
The title for this blog entry should be a link to 2 Thessalonians online. Go ahead, read it. But only if you read my angry, quite sure of itself post on Revelation. I'll wait.
Didja read it? Did you laugh? *sigh* So, I think I'm going to pick something out of there to write my paper on, just so I can try to figure it out. For those of you who didn't read it and would like me to just go ahead and tell you what I'm talking about: it's all about what we would call the Anti-Christ, End Times freakishness, and Jesus punishing people.
Of course, I didn't read about 1 Thess. for class when I was supposed to because I was being lazy. You can bet your bottom dollar, though, that I'm going to get my textbook next time I feel like getting out of this chair and I am going to expect Achtemeier, Green, and Thompson to explain the stuffing out of this book.
It really does feel like what I've learned about Apocalyptic literature: Paul says that he's encouraging a church going through trials and tribulations, so it makes sense that the drama would be amped up about God's saving power and how good will triumph. But being that it doesn't have the imagery and clear craziness of Revelation, it makes it even more confusing when he talks about the man of lawlessness, etc. Especially since I can't easily read it as referring to a historic situation.
*sigh* It doesn't really surprise me at all anymore when I think that I finally have something figured out about God and then find out I'm wrong. It should surprise me even less when things about the Bible confuse me, but I guess that since it is a physical thing that can be studied and examined somewhat, I keep thinking we'll be able to wrestle it down. Even though I also know that it isn't possible, my insane human brain keeps trying. Oh well.
So, I'm minding my own business this morning, fixing to read James (favorite!) both for a paper and to spend some time in The Word™, and I see 2 Thessalonians. "Hmmmm," I think. "I need to find a passage for my exegetical paper, and I don't really spend much time in 2 Thess (I can call them that) and don't really know what it's about, so I'll read that today. Good idea, Robin!"
The title for this blog entry should be a link to 2 Thessalonians online. Go ahead, read it. But only if you read my angry, quite sure of itself post on Revelation. I'll wait.
Didja read it? Did you laugh? *sigh* So, I think I'm going to pick something out of there to write my paper on, just so I can try to figure it out. For those of you who didn't read it and would like me to just go ahead and tell you what I'm talking about: it's all about what we would call the Anti-Christ, End Times freakishness, and Jesus punishing people.
Of course, I didn't read about 1 Thess. for class when I was supposed to because I was being lazy. You can bet your bottom dollar, though, that I'm going to get my textbook next time I feel like getting out of this chair and I am going to expect Achtemeier, Green, and Thompson to explain the stuffing out of this book.
It really does feel like what I've learned about Apocalyptic literature: Paul says that he's encouraging a church going through trials and tribulations, so it makes sense that the drama would be amped up about God's saving power and how good will triumph. But being that it doesn't have the imagery and clear craziness of Revelation, it makes it even more confusing when he talks about the man of lawlessness, etc. Especially since I can't easily read it as referring to a historic situation.
*sigh* It doesn't really surprise me at all anymore when I think that I finally have something figured out about God and then find out I'm wrong. It should surprise me even less when things about the Bible confuse me, but I guess that since it is a physical thing that can be studied and examined somewhat, I keep thinking we'll be able to wrestle it down. Even though I also know that it isn't possible, my insane human brain keeps trying. Oh well.
Monday, November 09, 2009
I'm writing about Revelation now...
...because i told you I would. So I am, but I'm not completely in the mood. Of course, I often start posts thinking that I'm not going to write much, but then they end up flowing right out of me. So here goes.
I'm talking about the book of the Bible, folks. The End Times. Mark of the Beat and all that rot. And, no, I'm not using "all that rot" in a twee sort of lazy way, I mean it. It's rot. Garbage. A load of crap that I've been sold most of my life, and I'm angry.
I was raised to take Revelation very literally, or at least to take what certain preachers, authors, and movie makers said about it very literally. I was told that things were very clear: the world was going to get worse and worse. There would be pressure on Christians to get the Mark of the Beast, and the government or corporations were going to be very sneaky about it- it could simply be your debit card that you used in the future cashless society, but it would most likely end up being a barcode or something- always including 666- that was tattooed or somehow implanted in your arm or forehead.
Debit cards weren't around back in the '80s, so the idea seemed much more sinister. Of course, we were also told that it will all make sense- the one world government, the cashless society. It would all be logical and seem to be for the best of society, but we faithful few must remain vigilant! We would have to refuse to get the mark or else we weren't going to heaven. I mean, you could possibly repent at some point, and as long as you chopped your arm off or otherwise maimed yourself to get off the offending mark, you could go to heaven a proud sufferer.
So I was always questioning whether or not I was Ready. Ready to not deny Jesus, even if someone held a gun to my head. Ready to run- across rooftops, over water, wherever we needed to hide from the Anti-Christ and his minions who wanted to get us for not getting the Mark. Ready to scavenge for food and shelter because we couldn't buy anything anymore without the Mark.
And what if I wasn't taken in the Rapture? You see, there is variety on when, exactly, the Rapture will happen. Before the Tribulation? In the middle of it? After? Who knows? Well, some people really think they do. But just in case, I needed to be ready for some rough times ahead. Get my game face on. Don't be afraid of torture and guillotines. (Yes. Guillotines.)
Why, do you ask, have I chosen to shed my hopes for this triumphant future? My answer is eleventy-fold, but I'll just share a couple with you:
It was in my Systematic Theology class a couple years ago that I realized that many, many Christians don't take Revelation literally. And I was floored. I couldn't believe that there were other ways to look at The End Times and, for the first time in my life, I felt like I had permission to be optimistic. Like it's not naïve of me to want things to change for the better, or to work for peace, or to not be afraid of a charming world leader.
Does this mean that Revelation has nothing to offer modern readers? Not at all. The lessons for the 7 churches are still valid for us today, and it is important to remember that God has a different perspective on life in the world than we do. We get caught up in our daily problems or blessings, not always realizing that there are strong spiritual ramificatons to our actions or that things are very different for people down the road or across the globe. Revelation reminds us that God will wipe away every tear and that we will overcome not through violence and fighting but through the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.
eta: Of course, since it is so ingrained in me, I reserve the right to keep one eye open and freak the hell out if things start lining up as predicted by Kirk Cameron. I rail against manipulation, fear-mongering, and much authority, but I'm not completely stupid.
I'm talking about the book of the Bible, folks. The End Times. Mark of the Beat and all that rot. And, no, I'm not using "all that rot" in a twee sort of lazy way, I mean it. It's rot. Garbage. A load of crap that I've been sold most of my life, and I'm angry.I was raised to take Revelation very literally, or at least to take what certain preachers, authors, and movie makers said about it very literally. I was told that things were very clear: the world was going to get worse and worse. There would be pressure on Christians to get the Mark of the Beast, and the government or corporations were going to be very sneaky about it- it could simply be your debit card that you used in the future cashless society, but it would most likely end up being a barcode or something- always including 666- that was tattooed or somehow implanted in your arm or forehead.
Debit cards weren't around back in the '80s, so the idea seemed much more sinister. Of course, we were also told that it will all make sense- the one world government, the cashless society. It would all be logical and seem to be for the best of society, but we faithful few must remain vigilant! We would have to refuse to get the mark or else we weren't going to heaven. I mean, you could possibly repent at some point, and as long as you chopped your arm off or otherwise maimed yourself to get off the offending mark, you could go to heaven a proud sufferer.
So I was always questioning whether or not I was Ready. Ready to not deny Jesus, even if someone held a gun to my head. Ready to run- across rooftops, over water, wherever we needed to hide from the Anti-Christ and his minions who wanted to get us for not getting the Mark. Ready to scavenge for food and shelter because we couldn't buy anything anymore without the Mark.
And what if I wasn't taken in the Rapture? You see, there is variety on when, exactly, the Rapture will happen. Before the Tribulation? In the middle of it? After? Who knows? Well, some people really think they do. But just in case, I needed to be ready for some rough times ahead. Get my game face on. Don't be afraid of torture and guillotines. (Yes. Guillotines.)
Why, do you ask, have I chosen to shed my hopes for this triumphant future? My answer is eleventy-fold, but I'll just share a couple with you:
- People who promote these beliefs talk as this sequence of events is all quite clear in Scripture. NOTHING IS CLEARLY LITERAL IN REVELATION. John's language even shows us that he's not providing us with a snapshot. Most of his descriptions are really just comparisons where he's trying his best to paint a picture of things he couldn't really describe. "A loud voice like a trumpet," or "the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian. A rainbow, resembling an emerald..."
- This is the same sort of language found a)throughout the OT and b)in Apocalyptic literature. Yes, there is a genre of Apocalyptic that existed centuries before Tim LaHaye got in the game. This genre was usually written in a time of persecution or crisis and was meant to encourage whatever group was targeted to stand up and be strong. It stirs up hope and belief that God sees and is truly in control. Look back at Isaiah and Jeremiah, for example. Do you take what they say to be literal, word for word truth? Did the stars fall from the sky at the fall of Tyre?
- Revelation is also prophecy, which does NOT always mean that it is predicting the future. Prophets have the role of speaking God's words, calling the people back to obedience, and explaining God's point of view on matters. Revelation could very likely be showing God's point of view on the persecution under the Roman Empire that was taking place at the time it was written.
- Rome. Much of what is in Revelation can quite easily, with very little decoder-ring action, apply to Rome. The woman sitting on 7 hills is clearly Rome, the number 666 would have very clearly referred to Nero to the recipients of this letter. Hmm, I wonder if Roman money had a picture of the Emperor on it?
- Revelation is a letter. A letter written by someone who knew the situations in these churches and was writing to chastise some and encourage others. If the entire thing was meant as a riddle that only we geniuses in the 21st century could figure out, how would that have helped the early Christians being killed for not worshiping the Emperor?
- In the parts that are clearly addressing the 7 churches, many of the things that some take to be code are really just inside jokes. Laodicea had their water brought downhill via pipes from the hot springs of Heirapolis. It was lukewarm by the time it got to them and got stinky, sulfury, and sick-making when it was stored in their cisterns. "Satan's throne" in Pergamum refers to a gigantic, frigging altar built to Zeus on a hill above town. It's in a museum in Berlin. It would be like referring to the Sonoma Aroma when writing to us here.
It was in my Systematic Theology class a couple years ago that I realized that many, many Christians don't take Revelation literally. And I was floored. I couldn't believe that there were other ways to look at The End Times and, for the first time in my life, I felt like I had permission to be optimistic. Like it's not naïve of me to want things to change for the better, or to work for peace, or to not be afraid of a charming world leader.
Does this mean that Revelation has nothing to offer modern readers? Not at all. The lessons for the 7 churches are still valid for us today, and it is important to remember that God has a different perspective on life in the world than we do. We get caught up in our daily problems or blessings, not always realizing that there are strong spiritual ramificatons to our actions or that things are very different for people down the road or across the globe. Revelation reminds us that God will wipe away every tear and that we will overcome not through violence and fighting but through the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.
eta: Of course, since it is so ingrained in me, I reserve the right to keep one eye open and freak the hell out if things start lining up as predicted by Kirk Cameron. I rail against manipulation, fear-mongering, and much authority, but I'm not completely stupid.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Baby, it's dark outside.
I'm a little torn about this daylight savings time stuff. First of all, I'm not up in the morning to enjoy that misplaced hour, so it saves me diddly-squat. Secondly, it cramps the running style, being that my neighborhood isn't all that hot in the safety arena.
On the other hand, it does feel a little cozy to be home and snuggle up with my man when it's dark out. And going out at night feels a little more special, like we're actually doing something, even if it's just going to the grocery store. The problem is that I'm much less likely to want to leave the house once I'm cozy and snuggly at home in the dark.
When we first moved here, I was so disappointed to find that it got dark early here in the winter. I thought, "No! It's sunny California!" Hopes were dashed and all that. I'm used to it now, and I'm ready for winter. Maybe it won't be 80 degrees soon.
On the other hand, it does feel a little cozy to be home and snuggle up with my man when it's dark out. And going out at night feels a little more special, like we're actually doing something, even if it's just going to the grocery store. The problem is that I'm much less likely to want to leave the house once I'm cozy and snuggly at home in the dark.
When we first moved here, I was so disappointed to find that it got dark early here in the winter. I thought, "No! It's sunny California!" Hopes were dashed and all that. I'm used to it now, and I'm ready for winter. Maybe it won't be 80 degrees soon.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
A Self-Righteous Thought You Have to Deal With
I'm very glad that my faith isn't based on who I'm against.
I don't want Christianity to be about Us vs. Them, even though it's so very easy to get caught up in that. I find myself creeping (or running full-tilt) into Us vs Them with other Christians, and I have to constantly repent and correct my course.
But our command is to love God with everything in us and to love other people as much as we love ourselves. That means that we care about their feelings and opinions and that we want to protect people as much as is possible. Our needs aren't supposed to come first at all. We are supposed to be respectful and get along with people. Why are so many Christians not doing this? It really hurts my heart. A lot.
Could I be missing the boat sometimes or "soft on sin"? I'm certain that I am, but I also know that other than the moments when my head wants to explode from the hard-headed things I see Christians do (read: post on facebook), I don't live my life afraid and angry like many of them do, and I'm going to take that as a sign from the Holy Spirit.
Again, I'm really afraid of being smug or self-righteous. I'm just trying to express myself and in that expression, check myself and clarify my thoughts. I want to believe what's right. It's kind of like I'm talking it out with you. Feel free to correct me in love, as long as you're willing to listen, too, and possibly be changed.
I don't want Christianity to be about Us vs. Them, even though it's so very easy to get caught up in that. I find myself creeping (or running full-tilt) into Us vs Them with other Christians, and I have to constantly repent and correct my course.
But our command is to love God with everything in us and to love other people as much as we love ourselves. That means that we care about their feelings and opinions and that we want to protect people as much as is possible. Our needs aren't supposed to come first at all. We are supposed to be respectful and get along with people. Why are so many Christians not doing this? It really hurts my heart. A lot.
Could I be missing the boat sometimes or "soft on sin"? I'm certain that I am, but I also know that other than the moments when my head wants to explode from the hard-headed things I see Christians do (read: post on facebook), I don't live my life afraid and angry like many of them do, and I'm going to take that as a sign from the Holy Spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 (New International Version)
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Again, I'm really afraid of being smug or self-righteous. I'm just trying to express myself and in that expression, check myself and clarify my thoughts. I want to believe what's right. It's kind of like I'm talking it out with you. Feel free to correct me in love, as long as you're willing to listen, too, and possibly be changed.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Funny Animal Things from the Weekend
These are some cute things I saw this weekend:
A deer looking both ways before crossing part of a parking lot.
An apparently polite bear that opened our car doors, gently took what it wanted, then left. (Saw the muddy evidence, not the bear.)
Another dog standing at the screen door wanting my dog to go out and play.
Those dogs acting just like two little boys- egging one another on, racing one another & cutting each other off, jumping in the river, knocking things over, and generally not listening.
A raven sneaking up on a deer & scaring it, then following it and continuing to hector it.
My little dog trying to stealthily get into the house with a big bone without the big dog seeing it, even though she can barely get the correct leverage working for her so she can walk with it.
Various deer seeming to pose for pictures for us tourists.
A squirrel got into one of the dining halls, and some foreigners who apparently don't have squirrels in their country tried to feed and pet it. "What did you do on your vacation?" "Got rabies!"
A deer looking both ways before crossing part of a parking lot.
An apparently polite bear that opened our car doors, gently took what it wanted, then left. (Saw the muddy evidence, not the bear.)
Another dog standing at the screen door wanting my dog to go out and play.
Those dogs acting just like two little boys- egging one another on, racing one another & cutting each other off, jumping in the river, knocking things over, and generally not listening.
A raven sneaking up on a deer & scaring it, then following it and continuing to hector it.
My little dog trying to stealthily get into the house with a big bone without the big dog seeing it, even though she can barely get the correct leverage working for her so she can walk with it.
Various deer seeming to pose for pictures for us tourists.
A squirrel got into one of the dining halls, and some foreigners who apparently don't have squirrels in their country tried to feed and pet it. "What did you do on your vacation?" "Got rabies!"
Thursday, October 22, 2009
A friendly reminder about Labels
or Tags. Since I'm not a fan a labels, hardy-har-har. My tagging is far from complete. I haven't tagged all my older posts, and sometimes I'll come up with a new label for one post that probably applies to old ones, but I'm not motivated enough yet to go through them all.
As you were, & I'm as I am- looking for a good, short, streaming yoga workout to do right now. Then bed. Then YOSEMITE!! Fall colors, rushing waterfalls, granite cliffs, bears- it's great!
As you were, & I'm as I am- looking for a good, short, streaming yoga workout to do right now. Then bed. Then YOSEMITE!! Fall colors, rushing waterfalls, granite cliffs, bears- it's great!
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