Monday, May 21, 2007

A complaint-free quarter?

I have had this bracelet for about five months.
The longest I have gone is twelve days, but since then, it's been two or three.
I removed it for a while because I was tired of it being on my body, but I've put it back on again. It doesn't seem to be making a big dent.

I'm definitely more aware now and certainly complain less about big things or things in my important relationships, but I'm not finding myself very aware of the bracelet/mission with everyday griping-type issues. I've been a smidge crabby in my head for the past few days, and it bugs me a bit.

What shall I do? First, I shall wait out my hormones- they're in high tide right now. Second, I shall pray for help, because this surely isn't an impossible task with the superduo of me & the Holy Spirit! WonderTwin powers, activate! Take the form of- Gratitude!!

Granny Panties

A list of things that are disheartening for a girl:

Feeling the need to buy underwear that is quite large.
Wearing said underwear in front of your husband before realizing that it's too big.
Guilt over the money spent on the underwear causing you to not throw it away.
Revulsion every time the underwear is seen.
Grabbing the underwear in desperation and finding that it no longer is all that large.
Not being entirely sure whether the underwear has shrunk or you have grown.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Peee-ew!

I had heard numerous references to the "Sonoma Aroma" through the past year and a half, but I never really figured it out or truly experienced it until this week. The aroma is twofold:

1) Cows. Manure. Horses. Yumm-o. I live in the city, so I haven't really experienced this too much in my daily travels. I mean, I deal with dog and nursing home smell, but not the overpowering, plug your nose while driving and speed up smell that is a mere two minutes down the road from my home. My dog's vet is in the midst of this smell, and I tell you that it was not nice. (The city is small. The fields are near.)

2) Body Odor. I just never made the connection before, even though I knew that there were more hippies and homeless people here than I've ever been exposed to, and I also knew that I avoided standing too near some people at church. But it was really brought home to me Thursday when I was sitting in a coffee shop with a friend, and more than coffee, I smelled the low-level but everywhere presence of b.o.

Ah, California. I love it, so I deal with the stink! :)

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Oh, I have arrived

Folks may or may not remember an earlier post where I mentioned never running into people I grew up with now that I've moved across the country. But I've finally, after only a year and a half, crossed the threshold into the land of Knowing People and Being From Here. (I'm sure there's a catchier name for it, but it's really late and I should be in bed. I just want to post some stuff!)

My point is that I quite regularly see people I know when I'm out and about now. And it really only has been in the last couple months. It's quite grand. Today at the awkward fair, I saw...six people I knew. Yes, they were all from ADI, but they were in separate groups! And I knew them!

p.s. Sending overly generous brainwaves to the pres. of ADI because they need more students for the 6-week service dog training seminar this summer, and they offered me a deal that I still couldn't take while saving for other things. So! My brainwaves and subliminal chants are for B to have a wild hair and tell me I can go for free!! It could happen! ~~~Free~~~Free!! Let her go for free~~~~

Busy busy

I know that I'm not as busy as you. Or you. But I am quite the busy girl lately, and it's mostly good. Every once in a while I get a little whiny about having leave the house for a whopping 2 hours to do something I committed to doing, but I can pretty much snap out of that one pretty quickly.

I have also had another epiphany about my role as stay-at-home-sometimes wife. Yes, I claimed to be over feeling guilty about things already once, but now I really don't feel guilty. I realized that while I don't have a spotless house- I always have to do a headless-chicken cleaning dash before anyone comes over- pretty much everything that needs to be done here is done by me. And that's totally fine with me. Mr. Man brings home the bacon, and I may or may not fry it, and I'll probably wait a couple days to clean the pan, but eventually I'll do it and a bunch of other stuff that doesn't even enter his radar.

What was interesting about this train of thought is that it not only helped me to not feel guilty about not having a perfect house, but it also made me feel better about the things that I do and has helped me let go of wanting him to do pretty much anything. If he leaves his socks on the floor today, tomorrow, and the next day, it's no big whoop. I can pick up my husband's stinkin' socks. It takes about a second, and I love him, so why fight about it?

Back to busy bee: I went to 6 (SIX) stores the other day- four of those were for necessities and in pursuit of deals. Oy. I felt like M's boyfriend, L. "But with the coupon I have and the sale they're having, it's FREE!" Those six stores were in multiple trips to and from the house, and around BINGO, an online Bible study chat, and taking the dog to the vet to get her nails cut. And skipping an in-person Bible study at church that bores me a little bit. (See!! I'm terrible, Muriel.)

I suppose that if you were to get all analytical on me, you wouldn't have to go that deep to find that I'm doing some sort of justification ritual whereby I whine about how busy I am so that I will feel more valuable. Sodding Protestant work ethic. But I really don't mind the New Active Lifestyle (can I wear a track suit?) that I have- it feels good after being in an inward-focused phase for so long. I suppose that all of the learning and changing I was doing had to go somewhere outside of the house eventually!

AWKward!

So, I'm trying to put myself out there- helping with things at church, walking the talk, blah blah blah, getting used to busy life, but tonight wasn't great.

A group from my church has a booth at the weekly fair here in town, and they hand out water to people and pray with people. Fair enough. It seems to do a lot of good, and I knew they'd need help, so I signed up for a lot of weeks.

BUT (obviously, you knew this was coming) I'm really not cut out for it. I just really felt strange, like a cult member, trying to lure folks over with the water and then spring the prayer option on them in the approved wording to reach the New Age-y masses of Sonoma County.

It is not anything wrong in what we're doing, it's just me. We're not a cult, and we just want to give people the water and I guess that last summer many people wanted prayer and always felt good about it. I love talking to people about God and Jesus, it's just that the context basically makes it street witnessing, which you may know is NOT my bag. (Oh, I'll be more churchy and say, um, it's not a gift of mine. Calling. Strength. WHATEVER.)

Then, of course, I have the moment of doubt and guilt, "Oh, am I ashamed of my Lord before men!! (Wailing and gnashing of teeth goes on here. Internally.) I know that I comfortably worked the booth for Team in Training last summer, and I'll probably help with the Assistance Dog booth, so why not good ol' JC, who I think is more important than anything? Some of it is the manner and vocabulary that is the preferred method of delivery. A well-thought out delivery, and it works great for others, but it just felt so false for me. I prefer to have long conversations about life and have relationships with people wherein everything about me (oh, at least 50% of me) is a good witness to hope, instead of just jumping someone with, "Do you know Jesus Christ as your personal savior?" (Oh, should I have capitalized "savior"? Am I going to hell for that?)

I also wasn't completely comfy with the TNT booth when they wanted us to be assertive and try to get people's attention. "Um, I'll sit behind the table and smile to people, 'kay? Great."
And the ADI booth will have puppies and service dogs- it pretty much sells itself.

So, will I never tell a stranger the Good News? Ah. I don't know. Maybe it's something I'll grow into. I'll get past some point and learn how to do it with confidence. Maybe I won't- I'll keep watering seeds that others planted. I just don't want to be shuttering my mind and heart from things just because they're out of my comfort zone. Until then, I'll be the one wandering around, praying quietly for everyone I see.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

It has been a while

I've had lots of things going on- big and small- and thoughts will come to me now and then and I think, "Oh, I need to blog that!" Alas, I quickly forget them. I'm usually quite good at being a list maker- I guess that I need to start jotting down my blog ideas.
Anyway, enough babbling. I just wanted to post this: