Sunday, April 24, 2011

He is Risen Indeed!

It is almost 8am on Easter, and I haven't slept. I'm very tired, and I've been weepy.

I am waiting. We are waiting. I don't know what's in Seth's head. He's probably fine.

We're almost ready to start foster care with the intent to adopt. We have 2 weeks before we can have our home open for...kidness, I guess. That is because we are waiting on word regarding the family member we may adopt. Who I want to adopt. Bad. But I'll also be thrilled if she can stay with her family. That would be great. And I would mourn an idea.

So I wait. And even when I try to say, "Okay, let's move on. What do I need to do to get ready for a kid here?" I still get stuck. We haven't heard from adoptions for a while, which frustrates me. I'm sure they're waiting to hear from us about the family member, but I want all that stuff to be ready, too. If we're not going to be adopting my relative, I'll want another kid immediately. I want this. I wish we could have some foster kids even just in these next two weeks, just so something could start.

I'm sick of waiting. I think I may be getting an ulcer. My stomach hurts lately, I can't sleep, I'm exhausted, I'm depressed. I want to watch TV or read or be online because then I don't think. I feel fat and lazy, and I want to go run, but I think when I'm running. I don't want to think. I'm sick of it. I need distraction.

So. That's what's going on with me.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Well, they showed me.

We're having some prescription insurance confusion, so I was without my anti-depressants for about a week & a half. I had thought, "Fine. Maybe this is my way to get off of them." You know, how most people on psych meds do from time to time. "Oh, I'm feeling fine [on the meds] so I must not need them!" It's a highly intelligent argument, for sure.

Anyway, I was thinking that I just wouldn't get my meds. Then I also said to Seth just the day before yesterday, "You know, I don't think we have to take all our vitamins & supplements anymore. I don't think they're doing anything. I don't feel any different & they're expensive."

Cue yesterday & actually, part of the day before: Dang it! I am TIRED! And I don't really want to do anything. I'm not motivated. Let's just sit around the house. No! I'll go running and cry about how much I suck. That's a plan.

You're slick, meds. You let me quickly learn my own lesson.

In sum: filling up my pill boxes w/vitamins & bought my prescription yesterday, because even w/o insurance (until we get that sorted) it's not expensive.