Sucked in!!!

I've been sucked in, friends.  I know there is no bottom to this pit.  I know that I will get more stress than answers.  I know that I could spend bazillions of dollars, but I've taken the first step down that dark road.  I bought 2 parenting books today. 

At least it was at the used bookstore.  What did I get?  I got What to Expect the Toddler Years and The Girlfriend's Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood.
I'm not going to start reading them yet, mostly because I have other things to read.  And why stress myself out so early?  Once I know more about when/if (more like "when") we'll be adopting, I'll look into them a bit more. 

Who am I kidding?  You and me both know that I'll be up late, thinking about everything, and I'll start looking through the Girlfriend one. 

In other reading news, I believe I am done with C.S. Lewis for a while.  I had to stop in the middle of That Hideous Strength because I just didn't care one whit and couldn't handle reading one more page.  What I'll likely read is one of the trashier books I bought today when I got the parenting books.

And you know what else?  This whole teaching/working/ministry thing is a little unfair.  I'm supposed to be on break from school & able to read whatever I want, but I feel like I have homework & need to read things for my teaching series coming up.  And I already have it planned!  But noooooooo, I want it to be good and helpful and..and robust.  Gah.  I should just return these highly overdue books to the library at school & then I won't be able to stress myself about it. 

Fantastic!

Today, I read 3 things: the end of Redeeming Love, which was nice; Hosea, which is in preparation for teaching tomorrow; and the credits at the end of Toy Story 3.

It was lovely.  I woke up after sleeping for 12 hours, and I went straight to my book and finished it.  It definitely is a Christian book, but it is well-written and not afraid of dark places.  I did roll my eyes a couple of times, because it always annoys me in books when people hold onto grudges or cockamamie ideas longer than they need to just for the book to go on longer.   But I would still recommend it.

Then I got to work on the yard, which was a sweatier job than I expected it to be.  I tied up the little dog in the front and let Underwood wander while Seth put up the front screen door (yeah!) and I raked, picked up piles, and praise the Lord- cut down our yellow rose bush.  I wasn't sure if there would be room in the greens bin for it, because it was so freaking tall, but I was determined and it is GONE! 

I puttered around the back yard a little bit, picking up weeds and a little poo, hosing off the clothes line, and just getting a move on. 

Seth and I then walked into town and saw TS3, which was good.  Yes, I like the Toy Story movies, but I'm not in love with them.  I probably like the first one best.  We laughed a bit and I cried a lot at the end, though I was fighting it, so I got a headache.  I enjoyed the fact that the Gipsy Kings sang "You've Got a Friend in Me" in Spanish, and, although it wasn't in the credits, one of the pieces of music in a sad part definitely sounded like "A Heart Full of Love" from Les Mis. 

We walked to the post, office, split a burrito at the mall, I got a decaf coffee with a Starbucks gift card, and we played in Brookstone.  Lovely.  We played Rock Band, but only for 3 songs, because I was much more tired than I thought, with a bit of a headache. 

Tomorrow is church, helping friends with a luncheon they're having after church to talk about their missions in Mexico (enchiladas!), and teaching tomorrow night.  It will be a great day.  Smooches!

Wednesday if often Blergday

Today has not/did not go as planned.  I wanted to and needed to get some things done before my volunteer job, so I set my alarm for a reasonable hour.  Unfortunately, I had my earplugs in entirely too well, and I woke up at 12:09pm.  Ugh.

So, my fabulous day of doing dishes, working out, then lazily reading while volunteering turned into hurry-hurry-chaos-hurry.  I only read a little bit, because it was just a busy day.  There was a National Geographic camera crew at ADI, so people were constantly in and out of my area of the building, and people were actually coming in and wanting, gosh, help!

Then I got to feel like a complete noob trying to wrangle a design program on a Mac since my lovely student helpers were MIA at Big Time.  I was stupidly printing multiple pages when I only needed one (of color! my little tree-hugging heart was bleeding), and couldn't figure out how to fix that until the last name tag (yep, it's 2 words today) was printed.  Then I fumbled my way through a database, having to go back and find almost every person I put in to add something that I forgot.  When one of the students finally showed up, I made her enter the last two people as a punishment, though she knows what she's doing and it took her about 2 minutes. It's not like I'm 85 and know nothing about computers!  I'm intuitive, dammit!

So, I'm at home again instead of being at the gym.  I was feeling harried, and I am going to sit and start anew tomorrow.  Dishes are clean, laundry is washing, I'm sitting with my husband.  I shan't have guilt.

Reading:  I'm working on Storm Glass by Maria V. Snyder, which is not really a sequel to her "Study" series, but kind of is.  There are some overlapping characters and it is set in the same world, a few years after the last book of that series.  I'm really liking it so far.  She doesn't write in any sort of sensational way, but I get sucked into her stories.  They're earthy, but not slow.  I wish I could describe it better. *

*edited because I used the wrong they're/their/there.  I told you it was a blerg kind of day. 

Ahhh...Here I am again

Good Morning.
I was hoping to be asleep tonight. I even tried some chemical assistance, but to no avail. So much for modern medicine.

The good news is that I'm probably quitting my job tomorrow. That will help with a lot of this. I've never really slept fantastically, but my work schedule is all screwy and includes some late and overnights, and I just can't seem to recover from them.

But this is boring.

I've recently gotten into Lost, and I really like it. I'm annoyed that they are skipping episodes for those of us just starting out with the show, but at least I have Television Without Pity to catch me up. I have an episode waiting to be watched on my DVR, but I should wait to watch it with my husband. I already watched TAR without him.

My family worries me a bit. My parents are/were alcoholics, quit for a while, and are back on it and we're not allowed to talk about it or act like it's weird.
How am I supposed to pretend that it doesn't bother me? I keep trying to tell myself that they're okay, that it's not as destructive as it was when I was younger. And it really is a different brand that they're practicing now, but it still ain't cool. It makes me uncomfortable, and it makes my little sister living with them uncomfortable and scared, I think.
Not scared scared, but worried about them.

I love how I put an apostrophe in "ain't" as if it is an actual contraction.

I have a friend who is really going through some difficult times in her life and is quite needy.
I want to be there for her, but it's really difficult. I feel like I just don't have it in me to be there for her right now. Not on the terms she wants. I can't give her what she needs because a) I just cannot do it, and b) it is just so much work to actually accomplish anything with her nowadays. And, to act like a scumbag for a minute, I don't want to put a whole lot of effort into it anymore. It has been a one-way street for a long time now, and so little actually changes.
I love her to death and always will, but the bending over backward can't go on. It's too much.
Is this completely cold-hearted? Perhaps. It isn't how I feel all the time, but more and more. Of course, I'm not in the cheeriest of places the past few months.

This insomnia thing. I don't know if it qualifies as a sickness or not, but in my mind I've just been thinking of it as "I haven't been well lately." Almost as if I have a disease. People just can't seem to get why I'm so tired or sleeping so late or cancelling plans. I just haven't been well.