Incarnation

Around Christmas, you hear many pastors and other people talking about the mystery of incarnation: isn't it amazing/unbelievable/mind-boggling/etc that God, the Creator of the Universe, lowered himself and became a human baby. They're dumbstruck that he would do such a thing for us- that he would put himself in such a position.

I guess I'm weird, but I don't find the concept all that strange. God made us and he loves us. We're made in his image, so it makes perfect sense to me that he would be one of us in every way- grow in a womb, born tiny and vulnerable, be a teenager, and live as a young man. We're his kids and his siblings (co-heirs with Jesus-Rom 8:17), so it is reasonable that he would look like us and hang with us for a while. (Let's not get into the anthropocentric statement I just made. I know that we look like Him.)

It's also not as if God left Heaven all undefended to come here like some comic book hero. It was what had to be done if we were to be with him, and it was done for us. For me. No- I don't suppose that I understand at all the magnitude of God's love for us nor the concept of giving up a child, but I have loved. I do love people so much that it hurts; that I can't imagine there being more; yet all the love that is in me is from God and is just the smallest shadow of His love.

So, yeah, I can fathom Jesus being a human and God at the same time. Of course, I have been raised so that this information is a part of me, and the events in question took place two thousand years ago, so it doesn't feel that strange. I suppose that it would have been quite whacked out for Mary and Joseph sometimes- knowing that the toddler with cheese on his face was their Savior and the Savior of the entire world. Trying to wrap you mind around that would be a bit odd.

I am very grateful that I have good examples of familial love, friendship, and marital love to give me glimpses and insight into God's love and character. I have always known that Jesus loves me and to Him I belong, and that is wondrous.

Updates, being social, reaching out.

First off- we're not moving to Phoenix. We may be moving a bit east of where we are now, but that's not for a few months. Hopefully Sonoma.

It looks like I'll be going to Mexico in April on a short mission trip to build a house, so that is wonderful. This will be the first of these kind of trips that I've been on since high school, which I find a little mind-boggling, but God doesn't appear to be that big on my travel ideas. Live and learn. I called the contact person today to see if there was a place for me, being that I'm not exactly a carpenter, and he was very happy to add another Spanish-speaker to the group. Their building techniques also appear to be girl-friendly, so I'll be able to do physical labor as well as talking with the family.

The world may be turning backwards on its axis or something, but we went out two nights in a row this past weekend. One night we even went to a party. I know! I can barely believe it, either. Friday we had a date night (dinner and a movie, of course) and Saturday we went to a lovely, grown-up, eat-and-mingle party with some church people. It was really great to talk, relax and be around people. I love my husband, but I really do like to see other people aside from him once in a while.

As sometimes happens when we're with his family for the weekend, I almost lost my voice at the party because my dear, sweet vocal chords are not used to being used quite so much. Makes me a little verklempt.

Have a Very Merry Christmas filled with food, hugging, presents, singing, and praising Jesus!

Humbug no more!

Finally, the Christmas spirit hit me today! I had actually been considering not decorating this year- no one comes to our house, it's too small, my husband doesn't really care, etc etc. Part of it was genuine disinterest, and another part of it was moping.

I've been listening to Christmas music for a while now- that wasn't the problem. And the music does well up emotion in me and I am so thankful for Jesus. We just don't have the room for our tree this year, and our house is so crowded and messy that I felt completely overwhelmed. Thankfully, I'm happy with little things here and there, so after a bit of cleaning was done (more to come), I got a small wreath and some garland from Michael's, and a little poinsettia from Trader Joe's that sits here on the computer desk to make me happy.

The thing that turned my frown upside down? Cinnamon-scented pinecones in the bathroom of Baskin Robbins. They struck me as such a simple yet Christmas-like thing to do, that I didn't feel so overwhelmed or downcast about decorating. So, yes, I have a bowl of those sitting on the desk as well, and I already feel as if I've made the place jollier.

Merry merry!

Sand and locusts

wash me away
every drip, scrap, scab
that remains of the old me- the one I hate
leave just you
the love, the shiny new growth
pink, painful, clean
to bloom. to flower. to reach out into
more of you-
and less of me.

I'm inspired by James Hetfield to finally write.

Yes! I finally downloaded some Metallica so that I can actually hear them once in a while, and I am very happy about it. You see, I really don't listen to the radio often, since I don't have a car, and you would not believe how difficult it is to just friggin' hear Metallica when I do happen to have the car. You would think that they weren't the biggest rock band in the world or something.

We had an excellent Thanksgiving weekend, with lots of loafing in front of fireplaces, watching movies with family, and the requisite eating, drinking, and being merry.

There, I put "Wherever I May Roam" on repeat so that the inspiration can continue...

Husband stubbed his toe on a turkey leg last night, so that is exciting. He also has been interviewed for a temporary transfer (1 year) to Phoenix, so we're waiting to hear about that. I'm not exactly doing cartwheels about living in the fastest-growing city in the country, but at least it's hot. I do think that I'll like being in the desert for a spell. We'll see what God has in store for us!

Okay, I just looked, and Phoenix is actually the 4th fastest, with San Antonio & Houston above and below. Hmmm...not sure what I think of that. On another list, it's 8th, so I'll just calm down.

I see your point. Wait. No, I don't.

I just finished the book To Hell with All That and I must say that I'm mostly flummoxed. The praise on the jacket, as well as the reviews (good and bad) on Amazon lead me to believe that other people actually got a coherent and controversial message out of this book, but I can't seem to figure out what the author actually thinks.

Perhaps that is the point, in a way, but I don't think it is worthy of a published book. Flanagan attempts to address the conflict that many women feel between wanting to work and feel accomplished and worthwhile outside the home and pining over starched sheets and Martha Stewart-inspired handicrafts. Obviously, Flanagan herself is conflicted- she extols the virtue of being a stay-at-home mom and her desire to get dinner made for her kids, but she has had nannies and a maid ever since she had children. Actually, there was a maid employed before the children, too, but she feels terrible and conflicted about this. But she was writing and felt good about it. But she wishes that her mother wouldn't have gone back to work when she was young. But her mom was happier once she went back to work. But, but, but...

WE GET IT!!! You're conflicted, women are conflicted- everyone is fighting over the right answer, but a flowing, articulate book clearly cannot come from this issue. At least not from this author. This would have made a lovely, short article in a magazine, but somehow this mess got approved and printed. For not the first time this year, I moan over the apparent lack of sober editors, and I guess over the state of the book world in general. The people who submitted their blurbs for the jacket clearly didn't read the book, and the reviewers all seem to have pulled one or two sentences out of thin air on which to base their opinions- something not so rare anymore.

Flanagan is called an "anti-feminist" and seems to ruffle quite a few feathers, but I say to those rabble-rousers, "How can you tell?!"

Quick Update on Father-in-law

It's not Alzheimer's, and it isn't progressive, whatever is in his brain. Praise the Lord!

Just like trash

Some would say that I like throwing my vote away. I guess that I always have done so, since my first election in 92. Not even half the precincts are in yet, but I looked at the results so far, and a whopping 4 of the candidates I voted for out of 13 appear to have a chance of winning a seat.

Also, I apparently have much different feelings about things than many Californians, and I also care more than I thought I did. While reading over the results on the "issues", I keep having outbursts like, "You're kidding!" and "What?!"

Well, it's good that I care. I'll check on the results more tomorrow.

So I'm hypocritical AND naive. Good to know.

I have nowhere NEAR the same feelings about Britney divorcing Cheesehead that I do about Nick&Jessica or Reese&Ryan. I guess that, like everyone else in the world, I've been judging Britney as trashy and stupid for a while now, and my first thoughts on her filing are, "Good riddance!" and "It's about time!"

This really isn't the way I should be thinking about people, or about their marriages. I do see a theme, though, in my thoughts. I seem to be all for women dumping husbands who are worthless jerks. Not to say that I don't think people can change- not at all. I hope to be changing every day. But I have the desire to change and put forth effort to do so.

But how do I know that Kevin Federline isn't a good father and isn't striving to grow as a human being? Perhaps he has a close walk with Jesus. I don't know. I mostly think he's an idiot because of the way he dresses. How shallow is that?

I'm not trying to sound high and mighty here. "Oh, we shan't judge the stars. They're people, too. I don't judge anyone." I just think that it's something I take note of, and need to work on.

Sometimes I'm Cantankerous with Luddite Tendencies

Glance at this article about sun exposure, please.
I very much respect Paula Begoun, and I heed her opinion on many things, but I just cannot get behind "sun avoidance" and the hype about the sun.

This is the luddite/head in the sand/whatever you want to call it comes in. I know that skin cancer is a real danger, and I know that tanning is bad for you, and I know that medical science has discovered all sorts of things that refute what everyone used to take as truth, but I get a little, anti-establishment, hippie streak that comes out sometimes.

I am well aware that "natural" does not equal "safe" or "good" all the time, but I find myself more and more leaning towards trusting God-made things instead of man-made things. I was reading about vegans the other day and thinking about what they would rather wear instead of leather or wool. Cotton and...polyester? Yes, I know, there are flax and hemp, but I'm talking jackets, shoes, etc. This may shock some who know that I would love to be a tree-hugging vegetarian, but I find it a bit shocking that people would wear something completely synthetic that won't break down or anything and comes from oil rather than wool or leather. And this is coming from someone who resists leather!! It's just something I'm thinking about.

And, no, chewing on willow bark isn't going to get rid of my headache as well as taking Tylenol is going to do, but maybe I think it's a better idea in the long run.

My original point? I can't get down with the anti-sun folks. I'm not completely stupid. I wear sunscreen sometimes, I don't spend hours outside in the sun, and I don't worship having a tan, but I need the sun. I am often crabby when I don't get a little direct sun on my face. I think that everyone looks better with a tan, and I think that it's suspicious to not ever want to be outside for long or recognize the importance of being in and enjoying nature.

It's raining, it's pouring.

I need a car.
I really have fun on my scooter sometimes, I do, but it just sucks in the rain. I've been wanting a car for a while, because actually taking anything with me on the scooter is a bit difficult. If I want to go to the park and walk when I'm out and about, I have to take a backpack and carry everything with me. This isn't all that conducive to building speed or really taking a good, long walk.

These are the material things I'm praying for right now: a car, a bigger place to live, a job (?). So, a job isn't "material", but it's a thing. And I'm praying about it. Join me, won't you?

Oh, and since I haven't posted it before, this is basically what my scooter looks like. But it's black with a tobacco-colored seat. Looks a bit more substantial than this one. Perhaps the black is just more imposing. (It's hard to be imposing, though, when you sound like a leaf-blower. Poor girl.)

New TV Lust!

As time marches on, and with it, the shows that I tune into change, new boys, new men, new eye candy end up parading their way in front of me. On a small scale, we have Chris Nuñez from Miami Ink, the old standby of Sawyer on Lost, and even the occasional Jack on Lost. The big guns, though, the ones that make me sigh just a little, are Jesse Spencer from House (in addition to Hugh Laurie himself, who has already been mentioned on this blog) and Henry Ian Cusick from Lost.

They are the ones who make me smile. Yes, I know that Jesse Spencer is a bit young, but he's blond, Australian, and his character on House used to be in the seminary. I mean, he's basically irresistible.

I guess I'm naive.

I don't know why, but I am surprised and saddened whenever I read of another Hollywood couple separating or divorcing. I'm actually disappointed for them, as if they were my friends. I stupidly keep waiting for one of them to surprise me and just be committed to each other and stick it out. I suppose that it is also childish on my part to think that the couples wherein at least one is a professing Christian should have a better likelihood of surviving. (Divorce rates are no different within the church than without, so it's a bit insane of me to think that way.)

As the rumors were flying, I really had a hard time believing that Nick & Jessica were going to divorce, and I stubbornly believed that they would work it out. (How? Spontaneous wisdom and maturity that has been completely non-existent in the past? That her ex-pastor dad would actually remember what he learned and back off or give wisdom? That her mother would grow a pair and remember who she was and what she taught her daughters?)

Even though I may be certifiable to expect wise actions to come from Mtv's Newlyweds, I did expect more from Reese & Ryan. I guess that they just struck me as smart and calm. I don't know. I know that I am not in their situation and that I have no idea what goes on in the lives of others, but that doesn't mean I'm not a little crestfallen. I would really love to see young people in Hollywood show some real character and difference from the rest of the world.

p.s. I guess that I'm also naive to think that I could actually use the correct punctuation on "naive" and that it would work correctly in the template. Oh well.

Pray

My father-in-law might have Alzheimer's. That just sucks.

Happy Happy! Joy joy!

It is NOT too late to donate to LLS and help me meet my fundraising minimum! I have one month after my event- so November 22nd. I have about $800 left, so anything you can do would really help.

Watcha waitin' for? Just click here. Or here.

Medical Expenses-ARGH

Today I got to try to contact our health insurance company to straighten some things out, but this didn't really work out. Does that surprise you?

It really frustrates me that even with good coverage, we have so much money that we have to spend just on medical care. Both of us had issues that needed to be addressed within the past few months, so we were grown-ups and went to the doctor. References were made, prescriptions written, therapies attended, and bills were sent.

Shall we add in the dentist? Let's just say that there's a lot to be spent there. I feel that I really do need to find a job soon, and that is basically so that we can pay our doctor and dentist bills. How much does that suck?

I had forgotten about this little diatribe that I wrote while sitting in the dentist's office in September:

So, I've been pondering & wishing for socialized medicine. Even with good insurance, anything that requires more than one doctor's visit ends up becoming a hurdle. Follow-up, specialists, prescriptions, x-rays- it all adds up. And our dental insurance only covers one office in town. ONE. This office is so crowded that grown men are sitting in chairs with their knees practically touching. The sounds of cries and drilling are coming over the wall, and it's almost as if the whole place is specifically designed to wear down the spirit. It feels like we're all being punished. But I am grateful for the dentists and for the insurance that I do have.

Sometimes I have fantasies of running off to an island or some backwoods country where the tentacles of bureaucracy and western capitalism haven't reached, but I would miss the medical care. The movies. The toilet paper.

Completely Random

Sorry it's been so long, but I really don't have much to talk about. I am currently in chilly Michigan visiting friends and family. It hasn't been too bad here, but I do miss California. My husband went home yesterday and I found myself jealous that he got to see the family when he went to pick up the dog. Oh well. I'm glad that I am able to stay for another 11 days or so, because I really am enjoying this visit much better than the last, since I don't have to rush around and feel pressured to see people.

My random thought for the day is this: big crush on Hugh Laurie.

Book Funk

I've been reading like a beast for the past year or so, and I fear that this streak is coming to an end. Very little is grabbing my attention or keeping it for very long. I feel a little like an empress or queen being presented with jesters- "You bore me! Throw him to the lions!"

I do believe that I have started and stopped reading 6 or 7 books in the past month, and the two that I did finish weren't satisfying. In fact, one pissed me off. This situation is a little depressing because I do so love to read. I have a list of about 150 books that, at some point, I decided that I want to read, but as I scan the list at the bookstore, I just think, "No. No. No. Not now. Ugh. Why is that on here?"

This entertainment apathy started with movies quite a few months ago. As with the book list, I have lots of movies in my queue, and by the time they arrive, I often have no idea what they are or why I decided to rent them. Aside from DVDs of TV shows, most movies we rent end up sitting on the floor for quite a while before they are finally watched. Or before we try to watch them, decide that they're boring, and send them back.

I'm sure that there is a deep statement that can be made about our consumerism and constant need for entertainment, but I'm just not in the mood for that. There are thousands and millions of books and movies out there- WHERE ARE THE ONES FOR ME???

Amazing Grace- I am a wretch

I had a bit of a breakdown/pity party last night thinking about how long I've been praying about being loving, trying to be a more gracious person, and still failing miserably. I thought of times I've been snotty, mean, judgmental, difficult- some from years ago. I'm not sure if the meat of this breakdown came from God or from Satan (if it was conviction or accusation), but I know that God used it.

I've prayed to be more gracious, to be full of love, and also to be humbled. I am thankful for the humble perspective that I gained through realizing how much I have in common with Paul and with all people on this planet: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Romans 7:15. I was glad when this verse came into my head last night, because even in my tears, the temptation was there for it to still be all about Me. But I don't run across anything that is uncommon to man, and I can always overcome.

It is so easy to be proud and to have no real grasp of the concept of grace when I don't have what people would consider huge sins in my past- no drugs, promiscuity, murder, violence. But I am no better than anyone, and nothing that I do earns my salvation or God's love. Grace is unmerited favor. A free gift.

I've been reading a book about grace and it has been focusing on God's grace to us so that we can see how little we deserve and, in turn, be more gracious to others. Everything I read I understood in my head, "yeah, yeah. Exactly. I don't deserve it", but it wasn't really clicking. I am extremely grateful for the small kick in the pants that I received, and I hope that I won't need further, bigger wake up calls in this area!

2 Corinthians 9:15

Why I heart myspace/the internet

I haven't written here in a while, and I have nothing new to say, but I thought that I would copy a blog I did a month ago on myspace:

This isn't a plug or anything, but a response to the many people out there who are so turned off by myspace and think it's full of sexual predators and freaks.

A shallow reason is because it is a place where I can pretend that my opinions count. We all design our pages and list what we like, and we get to feel like we are finally movie stars and people are reading about our favorite colors and movies in the pages of Bop magazine. This is fun.

The better reason is that it has expanded my social circle beyond the little, hand-picked group that naturally forms as time marches on. I have gotten to know people that may have otherwise stayed acquaintances or faded away altogether. I learn things about people that I didn't know, and I form new friendships that I probably wouldn't have had a chance to experience.

People still seem to look upon the internet with disdain or suspicion. We all tend to mock those who date people they meet online, or at least find it too weird to understand, but I'm starting to understand. Where I am right now in my life, I actually talk to more people online than on the phone, and definitely more than I talk to in person.

One of my best friends right now is someone I haven't yet met in person, but we have a real friendship and affection for one another. We talked on the phone for the first time last night, and it wasn't very different from conversations with some of my oldest friends where we think that we're almost done or don't have much to say, but it just keeps going and we ended up talking for an hour and a half. I think that's really cool.

I'm not sure if it's the product of an internet friendship or simply comes from our ages and stations in life, but it's almost like we laid our cards out on the table and had a little game of "Are You Sure You Want a New Friend?" Early in our online chatting, we were pretty honest about wanting friends vs. knowing that friends can be a big pain or take up time. Things like, "Well, I'm pretty anti-social sometimes, so don't be offended..." were said (mostly by me, but she agreed). It's probably a matter of age. We know that it is hard to make good friends at this stage, so we want to cut through the crap and tap-dancing.

A month after the original post, we now talk more on the phone than online. It seems sort of fake now when we chat online, like, "Why am I typing this when I can just talk to you?!" My friend's mother died last night, and I'm glad to be someone that she can lean on and I'm honored that I've been with her through this and she called me to let me know.

We're finally going to meet next month, and we are both quite certain that we will be boogery, crying messes when we do. I've had close friendships in the past where I couldn't have imagined not staying bestbest friends with someone, yet we drifted and lost touch, so I'm trying to keep a little bit of perspective before I put her in my will or something. (I jest.) But I would like to think that this is the Real Deal, and that even if we have times where we don't talk often, that we'll always reconnect.