A few weeks ago, in one of our small group Bible studies, we did an exercise where we went around the room and everyone said two things to describe one person at a time. When the group started describing me, I was trying to will my husband (or anyone, really) into saying "smart". Smart and funny are how I have always defined myself, and what I rely upon to make me valuable or to give me comfort. In the end, no one said that I was smart, but what they did say was amazing- pretty much every person described me as "loving", "welcoming", or something like that.
It took me a couple of hours, but I realized that God had placed right in my lap an answer to prayer. For about 6 years, I have been praying for God to reduce me to love. I want to see people how He does and just let His love come pouring out of me. I've prayed this desperately, not ever knowing if I was getting any closer. Am I completely loving? Hell, no. I'm still the cranky bitch that most of my old friends think of when they hear my name, but I'm way better. I'm acting out love more often, even when I don't feel it- the Holy Spirit is checking my mouth and motivations more often, and I'm not at all the same person I was even just last year.
And because God loves me so much, one of my friends from that group came up to me this past Saturday and told me that if we were to do the exercise again, she would definitely say that I'm smart. ;)
3 comments:
I love that you are reduced to LOVE!! :)
It's from a Joyce Meyer book- Reduce Me to Love. I realized that it could sound like the way some people use "reduced"- like "I've been reduced to loving you people and living in squalor!!" I mean it in more of a "less of me, more of you" way.
That is funny. I might need to move more towards being reduced to love, but as I'm getting older, people keep seeming to want to call me SMART. I guess I'm tired of putting the light under the basket. In the past, I always wanted them to say funny and sexy, not smart. I knew that "smart" meant "freak", so I tried to hide it. Hmph, thank the Lord, he gave me the time to figure it out!
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