First Winter Back

Uncool, but warm

I do not like the cold. You might say I hate it. And yet, I am here to extol the greatness of shoveling snow and ice. Rest assured, I have been evaluated by mental health professionals and confirmed as neurologically atypical, so you may take anything said here with a grain of salt. (SALT! Get it?! We have to SALT the driveway. {I'll show myself out.})

I grew up in Michigan, but started trying to leave about 22 years ago. There were a couple short-lived attempts at living in Texas for Seth's sake, but my family and friends in Michigan lured me back both times. In 2005, though, I thought I had escaped for good. Seth and I moved to Northern California, where we felt like we belonged.

For 10 years, we enjoyed a busy life full of friends where, most importantly, we only saw snow if we wanted to. We would dig out our coats, buy some stretchy gloves from the dollar store, and drive to Tahoe for a weekend of sitting by a fire with occasional outings for sledding or a brief snowball fight. Then we would go back home to put on, at most, sweats. But even NorCal (I apologize, but it's an authentic abbreviation) had a bit more cold than I wanted, so we packed up and followed my dream of living in Hawai'i.

As you may have inferred from the into paragraph and title of this fair post, I am no longer in Hawai'i, but in Michigan again. Fear not, I'm medicated, in therapy, seeing a psychiatrist, etc. These issues shall not go unaddressed in my life. BUT MY POINT-


Thirteen years away saw my transformation from someone who didn't like reading outside because of all that pesky wind into an Outdoor Girl. Our two homes in Hawai'i  were so open to the elements that even being inside didn't really count as avoiding the weather or anything. When I visited Michigan from Hawai'i, I'd sit at my mom's table in the backyard most of my waking hours- I couldn't stand feeling trapped inside with the air conditioning and the house closed up.

Sun, water, and trees fill my soul. I've always called myself "solar powered", and it's true. Basking in the sun like a lizard can even help me feel better when I'm physically ill. Living on the ocean and being able to hear, smell, and see the water anytime chased away many negative moods. But not all of them. I realized after the fact that I was depressed the whole time we lived in Hawai'i. In California, my depression also got the better of me every once in a while, despite a fun, stellar life.

We left the islands and moved back to Michigan in July '18. You can see some of the reasons in my previous post, but suffice it to say that it was but one more layer of grief in the cartoonishly tall stress sandwich life was shoving down my throat. I arrived back in the midwest a broken shell of who I used to be, with exciting adventures in trauma still to come.

My wonderful husband snagged these for me. He gets me.

Now it is well below freezing. I have to wear both wool socks and fuzzy slippers in the house to keep feeling in my feet. I stay inside, bookmarking articles and opening tabs I'll never get to. My kids are generally useless with yard work without a lot of supervision, and Seth's Renaud syndrome means that he can't be outside for long in cold temperatures, so the shoveling is my duty.

When I first bundled up to go outside and get to work, I was proud of my being a responsible adult and all that, but I was also cranky and figured I would quickly be roping someone into switching with me. But I stayed outside. I put on the coat you see up above, "The Kindergarten Coat," which my mom left for me when she moved to Louisiana and I initially pooh-poohed as "too mom-ish". Now it is my bff.

After about 45 minutes outside, I did come in for a while, but then found that I wanted to go back out. There has been salting to do, slush and snow to clear off, and ice to chip away at- and I'm ::shudder:: enjoying it. Even on the 3rd or 4th day of having to do one chore or another. It has been sunny, which is a huge part of it, but I've also found myself writing in my head, or chatting out loud, and gazing at the beauty of my big, snowy, tree-filled yard.

Winter got me back outside. I'm adding it to the handful of things which have been making me feel "normal" again. I'm giving it the official stamp of #everydaygrateful. No one is more shocked than I am.