Curls

Good golly I'm having a good hair day!

I'm breaking down and talking about TV.

American Idol, specifically. I had sort of avoided putting book, movie, and TV reviews here. I'm not sure why- maybe I just was thinking it was a cheap way to fill writing space and I wanted to explore my thoughts more or some such rubbish. Anyway, I have to talk about AI right now, all my friends are abed, and the TWoP boards are too danged cluttered!

So, I basically agreed with all the judges tonight. After Katherine sang Whitney, I was sooooo afraid that they were going to love it, because it sucked. I don't hate Katherine at all- well, maybe a little because she is too pretty to live, but she's cute and nice (seeming) and sings well, but Simon was totally on when he said that for someone to come out and sing a Whitney Houston song, they are claiming that they are as good. I've always thought that with Whitney, Mariah, Christina Aguilera, even Kelly Clarkson. For you to sing one of these big songs is pretty ballsy and you are trying to say that you are just as good as them, and most people ARE NOT. Sorry, Kat. And Holy Boobies! Ryan had to practically grit his teeth to not look at them.

I have loved Elliot right from the beginning and continue to vote for him almost exclusively. His voice amazes me every, single week. I am always surprised by how well he sings, although I do agree that he can be a smidge boring at times.

Taylor makes me frustrated when he doesn't sing a song as well as I know he can. It felt like he was being lazy, nervous, and just wanted to get through the beginning of the song so that he could get to the higher part and do his thing. Shame on him! He's done it before, though.

There have GOT to be songs out there that are appropriate for Paris. She amazes me, but I do get tired of her smoky jazz voice. I like her straight voice a little better.

I have liked Chris from the beginning- mostly because he's smokin' hot, but I also think that he's good. That said, he has been starting to bore me with his Frozen Asshole Robot Rocker thing. (Please excuse the language- it's just the title I came up for him during the show, and it stuck.)
Unfortunately, my DVR changed channels to tape Scrubs before Chris was over, so I didn't get to see the whole thing and the praise that the judges apparently gave him.
What I did see? RAWR

Grown-up Giggles

Not many adults giggle, but one of my friends does, and I just love it. It's not like something out of poetry where, when she does it, it's like the breeze on a summer day or somesuch. It's small, not especially girly, but a giggle all the same. When I think about it after the fact, it makes me supremely happy. Yes, I will get a little poetic for a minute and say that it almost makes me cry.

I heart the dollar store

You know, there are long stretches of time in which I completely forget about the dollar stores. I may even come to disdain them during those times, but every time I go back in, I am instantly smitten again.
If you haven't been, do check one out! Once we got married, my husband and I started filling each other's Christmas stockings at the dollar store. Sometimes it includes junk, but I quite often find what I'm looking for there.

Toothpaste? Check.
VHS tapes? Check.
Wrapping paper and gift bags? Oh, yeah, baby. Never buy them anywhere else.

And there are always surprises. Yesterday was my first trip in a long time, and I went in specifically looking for tapes, but I also came upon a bath pillow, cute magnetic notepads, and decorative rocks (aquarium-type). All things that I had been wanting to buy, and would have paid abour $4 or $5 for them somewhere else. Love it.

Side note for today:
I went to see American Dreamz today. The reviews have all been lukewarm, and I guess that I'll have to say that my impression is just a tad bit above that. I definitely laughed out loud a few times- mostly at the American Idol stuff. Yes, it could have been funnier, and it sort of fizzled towards the end, but I'll give it a 45-degree tilt of the thumbs up.

ETA: another reason I was happy about that movie was because Adam Busch was in it. He was Warren on Buffy, and I think that I always liked him because he reminds me of my sister's ex-boyfriend, who was more like a brother.

Aren't you glad that I put in that rambling sentence? I know that you are.

Something Nice

I had a brush with one of life's pleasures today- hot guys who are super nice.
When I was in college, I referred to the species as guys who actually made me feel like I had a chance, although I knew that I did not. There was one guy who worked at the coffee shop at UofM-Dearborn. Awesome guy, totally breathtaking, sweet as could be. Treated everyone the same, flirted, made me blush.

A guy who works at a store that I frequent is of this variety. Not stunning, but the Hot Cool guy. Slightly skater-ish, looks like he could be a jerk or at least slightly "too cool for you", but he isn't. Every time I deal with him, it surprises me a little that he is so nice. He probably doesn't realize that he's a hottie. Of course, I'm married and he has a girlfriend, so there is none of that fear of anyone getting the wrong idea. Just good-natured jokes and conversation. *sigh*
He's nice.

Impressions of Southern California

Well, I meant to post this while I was still on vacation so that my impressions would be fresh and whatnot. Now, I forget all the terribly deep things that I was going to say, so bother.

1) LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE

Okay, now that we've got that out of the way. I absolutely adore Southern California. I love all of California, but I'm really a heat and beaches kind of girl at heart. I really feel that California is the prettiest place I've ever been or seen. It just takes my breath away from top to bottom. (Well, the middle part up I-5 takes it away for bad reasons--ugh, cows and urine smell.)
I was so happy to see the beaches and all the mountains- I've learned that I'm a BIG FAN of mountains. Well, seeing them, not driving in them. I could take a picture of every mountain I see. I won't show them to you, I promise.

I asked God to never take away my child-like enthusiasm and wonder with the ocean and all of His creation. I cried, I clapped, I was giddy. I just love the ocean. Of course, mofo is COLD! Not Lake Superior cold, but not too far.

While still on the freeway, I announced to my husband that I was going to find a job and stay there and he could mosey on down with our things whenever he felt like it. Needless to say, this did not happen. I can't live away from my man. And I don't want to work full-time. Together, those add up to one residence and one zip code.

2) The San Diego Zoo is a big rip-off. Maybe I'm being harsh, but I went there with very high expectations. Pretty much everyone knows that it has the reputation as the best zoo in the world, blah blah blah. I've gotta tell you that I won't be going there again. Especially not for the price. We paid $32 each to get in and have access to the bus tours, so I was expecting a spectacular experience. No such luck.
It is a nice zoo, don't get me wrong, but I'm telling you that the price really weighs into my opinion. I have been to zoos that I'm much more fond of and cost a LOT less. I adore the Houston zoo- small, awesome children's zoo, just the perfect size- and I think that the price was raised to a whopping $5 when it went private. It was $2.50 the first time I went.
We went to the St. Louis Zoo last summer and had a lot of fun- free. Free!!

3) Seriously, I had commentary and observations all ready to go while we were down there. Gone! And to whom do I owe the honor of this inane entry? The hotel we were in. Nice hotel, lovely, upscale, total cheapskates. We drive around the country a lot, and I can tell you that most of the seediest, bottom-rung motels out there advertise free high-speed internet access and free local calls. Did our lovely, citified, three-star, business popular hotel have these things? Nope.
One time we used their "business center" because we needed to get online and look at our bank, look up a map, etc. That cost $5 for about 3 minutes. My husband had to go online to send in some paperwork so we dialed up a few times using the phone (high-speed was $10 for not even 24 hours). Cost of 4 local phone calls over the course of our vacation? $11.

4) We did Mexico all wrong. I can now say that I've been, but I don't feel that it really counts.
We walked across the bridge to Tijuana and stayed for 4 or 5 hours. I didn't have a map, we didn't take taxis, so we just plodded around looking for the museums I had heard about and anything off of Avenida Revolucion. Argh. Prostitutes. Broken-down buildings. Pharmacies. Guys yelling at us to go into their stores. It was bad, but I know that it a lot our own fault.

We did happen upon a very nice park/square once we got out of the touristy part. It was a lovely, shady place with a big grandstand in the middle. Old people and families covered the playground and the benches. We sat for a while to rest our weary feet and watched some kids play with these zoomy, squealy balloons that zipped all around when you let them go. It was fun.

I was also glad to speak Spanish. Of course, I was stupid and shy sometimes about it, but mostly I stepped up to the plate. I just don't understand the times when I got shy about it. My brain shut down and I just stood there, while my husband tried to figure out something in English. I'm weird sometimes. Luckily, my man is, too, so he has to put up with me.

What number is this? 5?
5) I can totally live as a surf bum/skater-type. I loved all the skater boys of all ages. I loved the little beach towns and the surf shops. We both plan on learning to surf next time we're down there- my husband is under the impression that he will have no trouble at all being good at it. We'll just have to wait and see.
I loved all the tattoos (I was REALLY jonesing to get one), the clothes, the vibes. I would be perfectly happy dressing like a little surfer girl, and my husband wearing shorts and t-shirts and sandals all the time.

I know that the fact that it was sunny down there and rained for, like, 3,000 days straight up here has a lot to do with my opinion, but I could really be happy down there. I have learned over the years how much weather has to do with my happiness, and it is just awesome in SoCal.
I will say this, though- San Diego is often said to have the perfect weather- hot sun, cool breeze.
Well, I'm not really down with breeze, especially cold. So, it has that marked against it. Of course, it was only in the high 60's last week, so I may change my tune in July.
Also, the tap water is pretty bad. Not horrible, but not good. Water is a big deal to me, so we may have to do bottled, which I hate, were we to move there.
So there!! Two strikes against San Diego! (sort of)


I'm done for now. I'm sure that I'll have more later. Lucky you!

Baby Names

We decided a while ago that we aren't having kids. We just don't want them, but my friends and family members just keep reproducing! I suppose that we need them to do so in order to go on, etc. I do have a point here. The point is that the sad, oddly disappointing, I don't really know thing about not having kids is letting go of the names I had picked out so long ago.

My two best friends are preggo and I was knocking around online looking for middle names for the upcoming girly, and it really is fun to do. It's not that it's really sad, because I really don't want kids at all. I guess it is just a form of vanity- you think that the names you have are so cool and your children will bear them with grace and dignity and the glory of your wise choice. I guess I'll have to stick with witty names for dachshunds.

In related news, we visited family this past weekend- there are 12 kids involved in that venture, including one who was only born last Wednesday. Mind you, these are all excellent kids, cool kids, fun to be around in short bursts, but they just confirm our decisions over and over again.

It's like I'm already 80 years old when a bunch of them are together. "No, you cannot climb on me." "No, I don't want to play. I'll watch." I feel a great freedom in being able to say 'no' because I don't have to prove anything. I'm not nannying these kids, they aren't students of mine, and everyone knows I'm a mean non-breeder, so I can let the "not good with kids" misconception fly.

Of course, my husband plays the Fun Uncle/Cousin card and runs around, yells, lets them climb on him, even attempts board games. This way, I'm sure there are knowing glances and conversations along the lines of, "Oh, he would be such a good daddy!" and then I'm the mean one hoarding her uterus and not letting my boy thrive, etc, whatever.

Basically, since women are "supposed" to want to have children, I am usually the focus of all conversations of the "Are you sure?" type and regrets and junk. It's like my husband had nothing to say in the matter, and I wrestled him down one night and snipped the giblets, cackling maniacally the whole time about the demise of the family name.

Have I blabbed on enough? I suppose so.

Back to it.

Well, it has been over a year, and a lot has changed.
First things first: last night's episode of Will and Grace was just about the worst episode ever.
Many people have been bashing the show for a few seasons, but I have stuck by it, but last night was truly a stinker.

Anywhoodle. I'm out of the horrible, no good, very bad job that I had before. In fact, I'm out of the state. We have moved to sunny California where it is currently 54 degrees and raining.
My best friend thinks that my life is somehow more interesting or worthy of chronicling because I've moved, drive around on a scooter, and pet dogs in my spare time. Maybe it is.

I'm not working, which is awesome, so I'm trying very hard to be a good "homemaker". Thankfully, my husband has deliciously low standards. I feed him from time to time and, a trick I learned from a friend, run the vacuum so that it appears that more has been done than is true.

I jest. I'm definitely not as industrious as my mom would like, but things are in very good shape if you compare them to the entirety of our marriage, or even my own personal cleaning history.

So, how does a girl like me fritter away the day? Do I workout, tutor the homeless, raise children, or learn Finnish? Nope. I read. A lot. To tell you the truth, I mostly read romance novels right now. I know, it's sad. But they're entertaining and I can tear right through them.
I do believe that it's a phase, though. Maybe. Perhaps I will exclusively read romance novels and children's books from now on. We'll see how my vocabulary expands then.

Aside from reading and the occasional domestic chore, I do, in fact, pet dogs. There is a training school for service dogs nearby and I help out a few hours a week with phones and also playing with dogs. It's a rough life, I tell you. The sad part is, I've become so accustomed to my hermit lifestyle that I often resent the two whole hours per week that I have to go. Sometimes, I'm sad.

To my 3 readers, ta ta for now. I'm sure that I'll be back with more inanities within a few days.
(Who are my 3 readers? you ask. Well, I know of 2 people who have happened by at least once, and my best friend has read when I sent her the link. Next step, Oprah's Book Club!)

Girl with a Pearl Earring

Wow. I just watched this movie tonight and I absolutely love it.
I had expected it to be boring, but it is beautiful. Every scene was
gorgeous and looked like it could have been a painting itself.
The movie was very quiet and very sexy, even though hardly anything happenned.
I'm going to be thinking about it a lot.
Also, I hadn't been very aware of Vermeer's work, but I really like
what I saw. Gorgeous.

Plus, I've had a big Europe fixation lately, and that just added to it.

*2/25/09- I'm taking out part of this post because traffic keeps getting directed here for a picture that isn't here. Do I want traffic? Of course! Are the people looking for pictures of my snowboots staying to read my blog? No. So, I remove.

Coughing and coughing, but sleeping

Well, I see that it's been a long while. I've been sick, but that has helped me to sleep.
I've only been up past midnight once or twice, and that was by choice, so that's cool.

Twice now on my trips to urgent care, I have had to see a cute doctor. Who needs this?
I sleep in as late as possible, call in to work, put on a headband and holey sweatshirt, and head to the doctor. I don't need Dr. Hotty Pants! I can take a little comfort in the notion that he is probably gay and, therefore, cares even less for me and my physical appearance than he would otherwise, but I blush like a stinkin' schoolgirl when he comes into the room and that just is uncalled-for.
I am a grown, married woman!

Work isn't quite so hateful. My schedule is better and I know that my goal now is just to get out of there once I find something I love (actually, I'm on a quest for my true calling, but more on that another day), but I'm not going crazy anymore.

Achy and Awake

I tried to quit my job last week, but my boss was all, "Wait, wait! Let's talk!" So I still have a job. Which is good, financially, but I really wanted to sleep! And now I'm sick and need to go to the doctor or at least stay home, but I feel like I can't call in because I called in so much last year out of hatred and exhaustion.
I really feel like poop.

I'm going to start seeing a life coach, so that's cool. I met with her once, and it is someone I already know from church, so it should work out well.
She says that in 3 months we're going to figure out what my purpose/passion/goal is. Excellent. I'm tired of drifting and feeling like a loser.

I don't always feel like a loser, just sometimes. I want to quit my job so bad, but then I think, "Oh, but what if I have to get a job at Target and people see me." I know that is lame, but I also know that almost everyone thinks that way. The dumbest part is that when I think of "people" seeing me, it is people from high school. I DON'T CARE ABOUT PEOPLE FROM HIGH SCHOOL! I haven't seen anyone that I don't want to see in the 12 years since graduation.

Right now I want to keep my job because it is decent money and I need to get my teeth fixed and new dental insurance won't cover pre-existing missing teeth.

TV Lust and Whatnot

So, some serious Josh Holloway lust going on. He's a bit too Kid Rock-looking on Lost, but still quite yummy.

The sleep has shifted a bit. The past few days I am so tired that I can go to bed early-ish, but I've been waking up.
I tried to quit my job and now they're working with me a bit on my schedule, so that should help. I am a little disappointed that I couldn't quit, though. Although it is irresponsible, I was REALLY looking forward to not working and just SLEEPING for a while! Oh well. Continued paychecks are the upside.

I have nothing deep or witty to add tonight. So, I shall stop writing.
I am meeting with a life coach tomorrow, so that should give me things to talk about. Yes, it sounds really dorky, but I'm desperate here. I have almost no idea at all what I want to do with my life. I feel like I'm sort of drifting. I know the person I'm seeing, so I think that it will help.

More on that later.

New Year's Day at Work

My grandma died last month. Well, now it's almost been two months.
The dumbest things can bring it into my mind and it kills me.
It sounds melodramatic, but when I think about her I want to stab my heart out (why a spoon cousin?).
It's the second time in my life that I have specifically felt like the hurt was in my heart.
I was just looking up movie times for later today and I happened to see the theater where I went with her exactly once. Of course, it was the last time I went to the movies with her, but it was a few years ago. For A Beautiful Mind. She loved it, and I was tired and crabby. We went out to eat after and I was just so not in the mood. Not for her, but I was just so tired and didn't feel chipper and like discussing the movie. I felt bad at the time, because she hardly ever went out anymore because of her breathing. Our outing was a test-run for her to see if she felt comfortable using her travel-size oxygen tank. She was so pleased, and I was so crabby.

It's not like I'm beating myself up á la some crappy movie scene, "If only I had told her I loved her!" I saw her a lot and we watched a lot of movies and talked a lot. It was all good, but that doesn't make it less crappy when I think about what could have been a nicer time with her.

Man, I need to get more sleep. I am so tired of feeling depressed and crazy.

Hope in the Word

"I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable
and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue
to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world."

John 16:33 from the Message

Ahhh...Here I am again

Good Morning.
I was hoping to be asleep tonight. I even tried some chemical assistance, but to no avail. So much for modern medicine.

The good news is that I'm probably quitting my job tomorrow. That will help with a lot of this. I've never really slept fantastically, but my work schedule is all screwy and includes some late and overnights, and I just can't seem to recover from them.

But this is boring.

I've recently gotten into Lost, and I really like it. I'm annoyed that they are skipping episodes for those of us just starting out with the show, but at least I have Television Without Pity to catch me up. I have an episode waiting to be watched on my DVR, but I should wait to watch it with my husband. I already watched TAR without him.

My family worries me a bit. My parents are/were alcoholics, quit for a while, and are back on it and we're not allowed to talk about it or act like it's weird.
How am I supposed to pretend that it doesn't bother me? I keep trying to tell myself that they're okay, that it's not as destructive as it was when I was younger. And it really is a different brand that they're practicing now, but it still ain't cool. It makes me uncomfortable, and it makes my little sister living with them uncomfortable and scared, I think.
Not scared scared, but worried about them.

I love how I put an apostrophe in "ain't" as if it is an actual contraction.

I have a friend who is really going through some difficult times in her life and is quite needy.
I want to be there for her, but it's really difficult. I feel like I just don't have it in me to be there for her right now. Not on the terms she wants. I can't give her what she needs because a) I just cannot do it, and b) it is just so much work to actually accomplish anything with her nowadays. And, to act like a scumbag for a minute, I don't want to put a whole lot of effort into it anymore. It has been a one-way street for a long time now, and so little actually changes.
I love her to death and always will, but the bending over backward can't go on. It's too much.
Is this completely cold-hearted? Perhaps. It isn't how I feel all the time, but more and more. Of course, I'm not in the cheeriest of places the past few months.

This insomnia thing. I don't know if it qualifies as a sickness or not, but in my mind I've just been thinking of it as "I haven't been well lately." Almost as if I have a disease. People just can't seem to get why I'm so tired or sleeping so late or cancelling plans. I just haven't been well.

The Madness Begins

I'm afraid that I'll quite often be slightly crabby when writing here, due to the lack of sleep and whatnot.
Although, on one hand, I enjoy being up late and being able to read and hang out, I also really would like to sleep when the other people (like my husband) do and then be able to actually enjoy part of the actual daylight before going to work or turning in for the night.

I always feel guilty when I'm not reading my Bible when I'm up late. Psalm 119 continually talks about meditating on the Word day and night and then you'll be wise, healthy, etc. And I believe that and I want to have the desire to just pick up my Bible more often, it's just that I am so tired and just want to vegetate and not think. But I sure make a heck of a lot more time for television than I do for God.

That's depressing. But I'll not be pessimistic (although, again, the sleepiness and crabbiness make that hard...). I'm a work in progress.

I think that this is all for today. Perhaps you won't hear from me tomorrow! A girl must have faith that sleep will come.